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I'm at a local bar after work, just hanging out, having a drink, taking it easy. The Lakers-Piston game is on. I'm a big basketball fan, so naturally, I'm enthralled in the game. All of a sudden, my peripheral vision picks up this human blob sauntering over towards me. My internal alarm activates. FCB (Fat Cocky Bitch)! Whoop whoop! FCB, whoop whoop! I try to avoid eye contact, but can see that this fat ass floozy is making her way over.
This was an FCB if I've ever seen one. Her tits were hanging out of the tube top she kept pulling up as she walked over. Her tight ass skirt, which revealed half her ass mind you, was literally being sucked into her ass crack so it looked like she was practically wearing a thong. It was like her ass was Jabba the Hut and it was slowly consuming the garment, enjoying each and every bite. Her skirt particles were hanging on for dear life. And to top it all off, her shirt said "90% Princess Angel" on it. I believe this implies that she was 10% devil. I shuddered.
FCB: Listen up skinny.
I look up.
FCB: You wanna buy me drink right?
Me: Actually, I'm just here to watch the game miss.
FCB: Excuuuse me? I'm axing you to buy me a drink skinny.
Okay that's the second time she called me skinny.
Me: Look I don't appreciate being called skinny. I just want to have my drink and watch the game.
FCB: Is it because you can't handle me skinny? Is that what it is? Is my body too bootylicious for you?
She then proceeds to sit on my lap and runs her hands down her body, as if this is supposed to increase her sex appeal. In fact, it is the perfect method for inducing vomiting.
Me (enunciating each word): I don't. Want to buy you. A drink. Understand?
FCB: You can't get wit this! You can't get wit this!
She doesn't understand.
My internal implosion becomes an external explosion.
Me: are you a retard you dimwitted fat fuck?? I don't want to buy you a drink. No one wants to be you a drink. No one will ever want to buy you a drink. You're not a fucking princess! Not even Mario would save your fat ass. Get the fuck off my lap, go put on a jacket, sit in the corner, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:36 am
berzerker
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Joined: Nov 01, 2006
Posts: 2350
If this is supposed to be funny I don't get it.
Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:42 am
Alez
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Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Romania
You read all that shit?
_________________ Sigs are for n00bs!
Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:50 am
berzerker
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Joined: Nov 01, 2006
Posts: 2350
Alez wrote:
You read all that shit?
Yes I confess, silly me.
Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:38 am
Alez
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Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Romania
Hey that reminds me, anyone of you dudes is a fat porker? I wanna know of whom i can make fun of.
_________________ Sigs are for n00bs!
Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:49 pm
Alez
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Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Romania
So i guess all of you are and you're all too ashamed to admit it. I'm the only pretty boy here
_________________ Sigs are for n00bs!
Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:50 pm
mihai_alexandru73
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Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Posts: 778
Nah, I don't think that there are any fat porkers here, but didn't you say that meat makes you fat?
Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 1:53 pm
Alez
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Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Romania
It's way too easy to say "yeah, but i balance it out from the workout i get with your mom", so i'm gonna be the better man and just not say anything.
_________________ Sigs are for n00bs!
Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:06 pm
mihai_alexandru73
Banned
Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Posts: 778
Ohh, so you're taking classes in "I didn't say that, but here I already said it" I see. Damn you.
And click the damn fucking link you vodka infested cunt.
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:10 pm
FUCK_YOU_ALL
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Joined: Feb 02, 2009
Posts: 630
Location: Why so serious? Seriously, why? It doesn't make sense.
berzerker wrote:
If this is supposed to be funny I don't get it.
Well that's just sad, and very prudish. You seem like a wannabe (well, what you consider) "leader", among men. You seem like a person that tries to make everything right, and yet you're not right at all; some passive aggressive fool that couldn't understand the dynamics of fun so you failed at life, yet you hold your head high with a falsly perceived regard, with a stunted understanding of life and joy, and as you waltz about as such, you forget how feeble the rest of your body really is, and how you failed to actually have a drink/toke/good time with your friends and ladies every night - instead you died alittle inside every lonely day and night, vainly trying to assure and reassure your pitiful self that your better.
- - -
So basically, you're stupid because you don't get it. Maybe you're fat and have let that fattiness become the standard in your mind, which is stupid, and that's why you don't think it's funny. Regardless, you're stupid.
Fat people are stupid and/or sad, and when they get all cocky it's just hilarious.
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:12 pm
FUCK_YOU_ALL
A Winner is me!
Joined: Feb 02, 2009
Posts: 630
Location: Why so serious? Seriously, why? It doesn't make sense.
Alez wrote:
So i guess all of you are and you're all too ashamed to admit it. I'm the only pretty boy here
Alez is for n00bs. I thought you died?
Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:46 pm
berzerker
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Joined: Nov 01, 2006
Posts: 2350
FUCK_YOU_ALL wrote:
Alez wrote:
So i guess all of you are and you're all too ashamed to admit it. I'm the only pretty boy here
Alez is for n00bs. I thought you died?
You didn't notice you replied to an almost 2 year old post?
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