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VideoGamesSuck.com :: View topic - The Dumbest Submission
I'm really fucking bored, so I decided to do a review of a game called "Life". It's been around about 800,000 years for now and if you don't know what is you're probably completely DEAD to the world. Though it can be fun at times, this game has a LOT of issues.
Alright, all of you have already played the game so I'll just get straight to the point. You start out coming out of a woman as a screaming child. This is basically the start of your journey. This game has a SHITLOAD of customization options, which I'll touch up on later.
Graphics
HOLY FUCK THESE GRAPHICS ARE FUCKING AMAZING. There are absolutely no flaws what so fucking ever. The lighting is perfect, the textures are all smooth and fucking beautiful, and there are some fucking amazing viewpoints in this game. Also, the game world is fucking huge, and rendered beautifully with no lag or pop in whatsoever. The only problems I have are that though the character models are smooth, some of them are extremely ugly. For example, an NPC named Susan Boyle is EXTREMELY fugly. Looking at her makes me want to vomit. The other problem I have is that sometimes it gets waaaay too fucking bright, and the only way to get rid of it is to buy sunglasses using the in game currency. But all in all, these graphics are fucking awesome.
Sound
Once again, fucking awesome. The sound sounds so fucking realistic. For example, the explosions are all really fucking loud and sound completely real. The only problem here is that some of the sound effects are extremely annoying, such as an NPC crying, etc. The soundtrack is pretty good most of the time but some of the radio stations are trash and they should've taken out a lot of songs. For example, one of the songs is called "Baby" by Justin Bieber, and it sucks fucking dick. However, some tracks are quite good like Bohemian Rhapsody, etc. Though it has some flaws, like the graphics did, it's still fucking awesome.
Story
Alright, I'm a little mixed on this. The story is told extremely well and really keeps you going, but there is a couple of flaws.
1. IT GETS SO FUCKING BORING. I mean come on, waiting two hours to get into a doctor appointment side quest? What was the developer (God Studios) thinking? Seriously.
2. IT GETS IN THE WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH. Honestly, as I said before, the game is fucking huge, but they keep fucking interrupting you before you can actually have some fun. Alright, it's been a long day, and you want to have some nightttime clubbing with strippers and shit. But, oh wait, you can't unless you want to have super low energy and stamina when you wake up, and fail the Job Quest. LET ME HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN.
3. SOME OF THE NPCS SUCK BALLS. Seriously, some of the are COMPLETE FUCKING ASSHOLES. For example, if you choose to go on a website called www.videogamessuck.com, the main guy there is some 12 year old named Suislide who spends his time being a dumbfuck and writing swear-laced reviews. And Barack Obama, who becomes a president at some point in the storyline is an awful leader and doesn't know how to do shit. Like, what the fuck?
Besides those though, the story does have some great moments and there is so many side quests, ranging from boring fetch quests to full on combat. which I'll talk about in the next section. Also, though some NPC's suck, some of them are good people and fucking hilarious.
Gameplay
Alright, the gameplay, at it's core, is really fucking fun. But it has a TON of issues, which I'll list.
1. Combat system.
See, the combat system tries to make it uber realistic so that you can only win some fights with a shitload of training that takes FOREVER. Also, it's almost impossible to take on three enemies at once. Though I disapprove of super easy combat systems, it is needlessly hard in this game. I spent more time getting my ass kicked then actually winning.
2. It takes WAY too long to get going. Seriously, there's about 18 years in game before you actually start doing shit. Why the fuck do I have to play as some dumb fuck kid for 12 years?
3. Too many boring customization options. Though, as I said before, there's a ton of shit to customize with, most of the things are really fucking pointless. Oh, whoopdeefuckingdoo, I got a scratch on my arm. The only options worth it are ones that improve strength, intelligence, and appearance.
Alright, that's not all the flaws, but it would take a long time to list them so I just picked the most important ones. One of the things I liked was the super long length. If you play it right, you can get up to around 100 years of play time, plus the game is completely free. The other thing I liked was the fun things you can do. Though there's a lot of boring shit there's also a lot of cool things like having sex, minigames like Crysis, Hitman, etc. And there's some great shows you can watch like Workaholics, Walking Dead, and Breaking Bad. And you can ride little pre-rendered roller coasters that are REALLY FUCKING FUN. The only problem I had with these things is that they all cost money which can be hard to come by at times and you will often run out of money. Though if you play the game really well, you can acquire a shit ton of money and can do whatever the fuck you want, so I recommend doing the Doctor Quest if you see a medical school.
Overall, Life is a pretty good game with awesome graphics and sound effects and and a well told story, however some of the sounds can be extremely annoying and there is a lot of pacing issues where it takes way too much time to do something. Overall, I'd give this......
7.5/10
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 3:16 am
zachofat
A Winner is me!
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Posts: 521
Location: Makkah
FUCK YEAH THATS MY REVIEW i was hoping to get on one of your worst submissions thread lol you should post it so I can get flamed like hell.
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 5:50 am
cBox
Tard
Joined: Jun 14, 2011
Posts: 55
You should post that on IGN or something. Seems exactly like their cup of tea.
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:24 am
zachofat
A Winner is me!
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Posts: 521
Location: Makkah
I'll do my best to ensure it gets onto either IGN or Fagspot. I'll admit though I do go on IGN from time to time but their reviews are extremely biased.
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 9:15 pm
Suislide
VGS Admin
Joined: Aug 14, 2003
Posts: 509
Fuck you for giving IGN hits. You are a serious shithead.
Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 9:40 pm
zachofat
A Winner is me!
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Posts: 521
Location: Makkah
Suislide wrote:
Fuck you for giving IGN hits. You are a serious shithead.
Fuck you nigger we all know you secretly love IGN and wish this site could be as big as theirs.
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