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| Half-Life 2: Episode 1 | | Posted on Tuesday, June 06 @ 12:59:28 EDT by Suislide |  Fuck yeah the first episode for Half-Life 2 and OH MAN does it kick ass. This game is DAMN WELL worth the money unlike that SiN Piece of shit. Gordon is back to kick ass, beat up old people, and have an orgy with 45 women making them all orgasm at the same time.
Graphics: The graphics are like a slightly updated version of Half-Life 2. The enviornments and levels are both bigger and more detailed. But the biggest graphical change is the use of HDR but an even bigger change is not fucking blinding me with HDR. Its the first game ever to not make HDR look like a retarded pile of shit. It makes the lighting just look amazing. I think i already cummed three or four times on your mother. The environments being larger and more detailed along with the use of the new lighting effects make the game look damn good. This is how to use the source engine unlike those fucking turd burglers who made Sin Episode 1. Also, as if you would already know, the gun runs incredibly fast. Fast like Niel Armstrong on cocaine or perhaps as fast as a black guy running from the police. The art direction kicks ass as you run the levels theres changes from the citadal thing to city 17. Basically the biggest change in graphics is the larger enviornments, more detail, and the big time improvement in lighting. The graphics make me hard.
Sound: The sound once again kicks testicles. After playing all these games with voice acting resembling that of a fly eating a dogs ass its nice to hear some good voice acting. The people actaully put effort into it and there is nicely written dialouge that you would actually consider listening too. The voices fit the characters as well. Not to much else to say that hasn't already been said in the original HL2 review due to this being similar to an expansion. There is new music that is more up beat then in the original game and is actually placed in the game quite well. Like when im fucking blowing people away the music is playing and sends me on a roid rage. We all know gordon does steroids.
Gameplay: FUCK YEAH. More ass kicking in the the half-life universe. Sending people flying with the gravity gun and shooting some bitches with a shotgun. Now there isn't any new weapons which sucks ass and only one new enemy which is the combie alien. It will sprint and you and blow it self up like a dirty muslim out in iraq but you can use them to your advantage. Now what kicks ass is the map design and the ass kicking you go through. You are constantly with alex beating peoples asses and there is so much ASS KICKING in this episode its utterly ridiculous. Theres you and alex fighting combine who are at the same time fighting off the retarded aliens which are probably just poor people but who cares. You also get a team of guys part of the game to kick ass with. There is basically just ass kicking going all around with you and alex, you and a team of people, and small sequences where you blow people away on your own. The hospital scene makes me think of Hard-Boiled with the mass amount of ass kicking. The end sequence is also so well done im going to blow a load right on alyx's face.
Story: The biggest part of this is the story is expanded like a mother fucker. It creates more mystery around the vortigaunts and the g-man and explains how the hell you got out of the citadal. Also everyone always interrupts when you are trying to score with alex. It also explains what those ethopian people were doing in the citadal. Basically you should buy this game or you are a fucking piece of shit.
Pure and utter sex 10/10
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| Related Links | | | | Article Rating | | Average Score: 4.1
Votes: 10
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by D (lasergrenades@bucketofllamas.com) on Tuesday, June 06 @ 21:19:55 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | This unfortunately sucked balls to an enourmous degree. You can easily get a dozen mods that look less shit and actually have new guns in them off the net in about five seconds. |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by Mean_MOFO on Wednesday, June 07 @ 15:19:42 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | wow, what a surprise, you lickin up gale newall's ass. watch out for tarzans tho! |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by M0nKeY on Wednesday, June 07 @ 17:08:23 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | It was good, but way too short. Less then 12 Hours of game play on normal for me. This episodic gaming thing just seems like a way to milk money. |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by Ny24 on Sunday, June 11 @ 15:20:33 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I totally agree. Beating out the shit of people was more fun in episode 1 than in every game before |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by Tachyon on Thursday, June 15 @ 19:46:33 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | Yeah, Ep 1 is the best game ever. Period. Also, the level "lowlife" scared the living shit out of me. At the end, I was on the brink of insanity. Fucking Zombies.
But steam...omg....steam blows my cock so hard.... |
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 | |  | Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Thursday, June 15 @ 23:56:58 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | 10/10 my fucking ass. comon. give me a fucking break dude. what the fuck is that shit... 10 / fucking 10. thats PERFECT.
THIS GAME IS NOT PERFECT. i can think of 3 games that you have reviewd that are way better then this shit.
oh and as for the HDR not looking like shiny whale sperm in your eyes, well hate to break this to ya but OBLIVION beat asslife2, to it.
you know you fucking whores are what feeds this carnival of crap. they get all that fucking money from shitheads like you and this is what you get in return? a fucking slimy dick little mini expantion. WOOPDEEFUCKINGDOO OMGOMGpERFECT 10/10. LOL ITS PURE AND UTTER SEX.... WITH MY DAD THAT IS!
dude if any fucking whore cared about gaming instead of making money, they would use all the net profit they gained from asslife2 and ATLEAST would have made an expantion with shit like new weapons and enemys and longer fucking gameplay. you fucking faggots gobble up the half limp dick steam and valve cold heartedly flop out at you in boredom and then beg for more.
grow the fuck up you little fucking piss flaps. the fact is that we are all getting jewd the fuck out constantly by shit like this. OMG 10/10 I DONT FUCKING KNOW SHIT ABOUT GAMING. |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by TairosAurelius on Friday, June 23 @ 03:44:21 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Half Life 2 was completely linear and rather boring, and this appears to be more of the same. It's ok the first time you play it, but it has zero replay value. |
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Re: Half-Life 2: Episode 1 (Score: 1)
by fstick on Monday, September 25 @ 19:51:10 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | I agree with flaming ass packet. They cut more out of the original fucking game than they added in the fucking expansion.
Expansion my ass, this limp donkey dick of a game expands on nothing! |
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