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At the end of the day, it's the blow job that makes or breaks any good prostitute. The looks are just bonus.
Then there seems to be no reason to insist on playing Crysis on more than minimal settings. It is nice if you can but no big deal if you can't.
Crysis seems an bad example BTW: it was graphically ahead of the available hardware on its release date, this is usually not the case.
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 2:17 pm
Alez
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Joined: Apr 09, 2009
Posts: 669
Location: Romania
The Chronicles of Riddick - Assault on Dark Athena
It seems the developers KNEW they couldn't possibly top themselves so they remade it with better graphics and added a crap sequel. Is there anyone who can't play the first now because of the visuals? I'd understand remaking something from 98 or something but this is just overkill. And that's all they changed. It's like a dick slap to the face saying "well fuck you, play the game again 'cause we say so.".
How could they shit out a sequel that seems like it was made in a week by emo monkeys (emo because of all the dark and monkeys because...fuck you, that's why). The first had it all, story, visuals, good combination of combat and sneaking around like a fag.
Graphics: Dark Athena should be called Dark Corridors(I made a play on words there because I'm clever like that) because all your time will be spent in either a black corridor or gray corridor. And on some rare occasions black AND gray at the same time. The game has no graphics really, the few shit you see are crates. Everywhere on the whole fucking ship there are crates. I bet they're full of Vin Petrol's ego, that's why so many. The only good thing is you can punch walls and leave blood on them. So if you hate Vin Gas you can make the fucker pay.
Sound: It's so bad and pathetic I actually started enjoying the bleeding I got in my ears. With lines like "The dead... should stay dead." and "most just flail around in the blackness searching for their destiny. The darkness, for me, is where I shine.", they probably assumed people don't play with sound and subtitles so they just went nuts with the lamest shit they could come up with.
Gameplay: This is 99% of the game: Enter a corridor, stay in the dark until you feel like you had enough sneaking bullshit and actually want to ADVANCE the game and go into combat. There are small variations like driving a mech or crawling through an air vent instead of a corridor, the originality of it make my head explode. And thanks to low health, high enemy accuracy and an auto save that works whenever the fuck it feels like it you'll be spending a lot of time restarting and crying like a bitch. It's the same fucking mechanic from the first yet they fucked it up so neither sneaking neither the combat are fun. Did I mention I hate auto save? I hate it, seriously, I do.
Story: So this ugly bounty hunter chick steals a ship in which Vin Gas and some fag are and he sneaks around trying to kill the chick. Because she pissed him off and he's motherfucking Vin Steam Powered.
Eventually he escapes to a planet where something must happen but I sure as fuck won't see it because I'm tired of of sneaking around and Vin Shithead(i ran outta ideas). I assume he kicks ass and talks about darkness. Oh and he also let a small girl to die on a space ship because...he's motherfucking Vin Diesel, that's what he does.
Bottom line: I'm a huge homo and I'm writing a test review. I think it's pretty bad. Give suggestions on what to improve upon. Too much offtopic, too little? Not enough jokes? Not angry enough?
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 3:14 pm
berzerker
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Well, if this is your style and you think it is OK, who cares what any of us think of it?
I am pretty sure "the few shit you see are crates" is not proper English, but it may be proper Suislidian (I am no native speaker so I couldn't tell).
I could imagine submitting it pretty much like it is now. It sure beats M0nkey's first shot.
Last edited by berzerker on Tue May 05, 2009 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 3:19 pm
Alez
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I don't see the problem, would you kindly give me another option of saying that?
And it doesn't matter if that's my style. It matters if people would enjoy it. You come to this site 50% for the information on a game and 50% for the amusement in it. If it doesn't fit the style of the site, then it's not good. I tried to stay on track like the other reviews with "intro, graphics, sound" etc.
Thanks for the feedback.
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 3:24 pm
berzerker
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Alez wrote:
I don't see the problem, would you kindly give me another option of saying that?
Don't bother, it is clear what you are trying to say there. Improper use of the English language is part of the style here too I guess.
Like I said, IMHO you could submit it as it is now, but maybe one of the other regulars here will come up with comments.
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 3:59 pm
Kasrkin
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Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Posts: 193
I like it, don't fear of submiting. Hell, like we had any kind of standard anyway lol.
Escape from Butcher Bay doesn't have bad graphics at all, it had the better of his time (2004, until Doom 3 and HL2 releases) and clearly are better than most of the "XBOX360&PS3 only" shit that don't stop coming. The worst part of that game was the "what the hell must I do now?" between corridors (the populated areas where instead very good). I forsook the game in one of that situations.
I haven't played Dark Athena but reading this it's more of the same so I will abstain of trying.
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 4:02 pm
Alez
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I shall submit it then, thanks.
And if you didn't like backtracking in the first, you'll really not enjoy this shit.
It makes NO logic when you need to turn back or go on. And it also often lets you go back a lot for no reason, just wasting your time.
Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 9:14 pm
Pogma9
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Thanks for the review Alez.
It doesn't seem worth it.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 2:37 am
berzerker
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Alez wrote:
I shall submit it then, thanks.
You might want to add something about the DRM shit (but you probably have a pirated copy anyway).
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 4:11 am
Alez
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Most games now have stupid DRM. When a pirate has an advantage other than not paying, you're doing something bad.
If you buy most games nowadays you get permission to use it for a while, with limited installs. It's pointless to repeat how retarded this is on every game that uses it.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 4:38 am
berzerker
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Alez wrote:
If you buy most games nowadays you get permission to use it for a while, with limited installs. It's pointless to repeat how retarded this is on every game that uses it.
Other than you seem to think this is still the exception to the rule, and if you want to be informative you should mention it (IMHO), particularly this is often not easy to get information about the DRM involved. Like I stated in the opening post, EA seems to be backing down from restrictive DRM shit, so it may well be on it's way out anyway, the more reason for singling out those games that still use it.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 5:49 am
puk
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I think developers overlook some of the legitimate reasons why people pirate games. Do you guys remember C&C: Red Alert? It came with two cds. That way, you could give one to your friend, and you would play online.
Now I have Counter Strike Source, but none of my cheap ass friends want to play, so I have to play against bots.
Of course this assumes billion dollar corporations are legitimate institutions, and that it's OK for them to gobble up small developers.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 5:56 am
Alez
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I think this is the third time you bad mouthed your friends for being cheap bastards. Your friends must hate you behind your back.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 5:59 am
puk
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Alez wrote:
I think this is the third time you bad mouthed your friends for being cheap bastards. Your friends must hate you behind your back.
Ya they are so cheap.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 6:17 am
berzerker
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Alez wrote:
this is the third time you bad mouthed your friends
Shit, I did not know that, you surpassed me as the memory of this forum.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 7:39 am
puk
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Why don't u two get a room
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 9:58 am
Alez
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'cause we want you to join.
Anyway I just finished the game with god mode because it doesn't deserve my effort.
I'm not even sure if this can be called a spoiler but here goes. The evil chick you see at the start of the game....you kill at the end. That's it. You know how the game ends in the first 5 minutes. Wonderful story, i have to say. That's it, nothing else happens.
Before deleting this piece of shit game I also completed the Butcher Bay tutorial to remember how that was. And you get more fun in than in the whole Dark Athena campaign.
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 10:01 am
puk
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Wow. How shitty
I'll stick to playing Quake III arena and sim city 4 (even though I can't get the population bigger than 300,000)
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 10:09 am
Alez
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Fill the map with low residential crap. Some industry and very few commercial zones. No police, no school, no hospitals. Maybe just one fire department near your power station.
Only after the zones are full should you start upgrading their lives with better zones and adding schools and shit. You should easily reach a big population number if you spread out instead of trying to focus population in one small zone.
Or make the city next to you industrial and commercial only. So in your main city you can fill it with residential.
There you go, now will you join us in the homo sex already??
Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 10:17 am
puk
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maybe later
the prob with sim city 4 is this concept of 'commute time'. It just ravages your city
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