Bioshock 2: Protector Trials Review

puk · A Winner is me!

This is DLC for Bioshock. Apparently it's perfectly acceptable for huge game developers to virtually print money, but completely wrong for poor gamers to pirate them.

A word on XBOX live or WTF it's called. It's shit. It's not intuitive at all. There are 40 million windows, and setting up an account is a pain in the balls. Never use it.

Onto the game. First there is no creativity, they just ripped out levels from the game and conveniently locked doors. And the rooms are so tiny it's a joke. And to add insult to injury, a lot of the levels have 'trials'. Which just means that you do the same shit again but with different weapons and plasmids. That's right, they choose what weapons and plasmids you have! I can imagine it now, a bunch of money hungry fucks trying to come up with the lamest ways to justify an $8 price tag. Lets have trials to make it seem like it's longer than it really is. There's other gay shit too, like if you do really well you earn stars (like I said, gay), and each star unlocks super awesome stuff, like concept art. Yaaay! Also the weapon/plasmid pairs aren't always that great. In one trial you get the drill and the insect swarm. It's so gay. Ever try to take down a brute splicer with the cyclone trap and a spear gun? It's also not very tactical b/c you can't really leave the little sister to go to the vending machine, she'll just end up getting ambushed. And why would you give me hypnotize 1? give me 3 you douche so I can recruit to my cause. Then all you have to do is protect the little sisters while they harvest adam. The less she gets interrupted, the more adam she harvests. Each time you kill someone you automatically get money which you can spend at the vending machines for ammo. At the beginning of the game you can take your time to hack these vending machines and health stations, but then every fucking time you do you get a message telling you what a hack does. I fucking finished the full game, I think I have some idea what a hack does.

And the AI is shit, so they don't use the health machines I hacked. They just blindly attack. Did no one test this game? They have made the mad rushes as intense as in the last level of the game, but then they give you none of the researches or upgraded weapons/plasmids/tonics. It's fucking insanity. Those dipshits have the nerve to call Sniper:Ghost Warrior hard, and yet utter not a peep for this insane fuck fest. And some cunt with a wrench can still fuck your shit up! I can not stress how irritating that is. And they make so many ass backwards decisions. You can start with a spear gun with only trap spears, turrets, and remote hack darts. WTF am I gonna remote hack? and what do I shoot people with until I get enough money to run to a vending machine? Trap spears?

This could have been fun if every level I had ass loads of trap rivets, trap spears, proximity mines, cyclone traps, mini turrets, Hypnotize 3, security command 3 and multiple bots. Instead you start with 3 Eves and 3 Health packs and sometimes no ammo! Next time I'll just burn a $10 bill.

3/10

Dick_In_Your_Ass · A Winner is me!

Xbox live sub. price is gonna hike.

puk · A Winner is me!

I'm still mad at this game. I can't believe they charge you for this. It's the exact same levels from the game, and each battle is 3 mins long. This is like the 'render' effects on the old Far Cry 1.

puk · A Winner is me!

This DLC made me feel like a pinball that was constantly getting batted around and shot.

puk · A Winner is me!

So it says "Complete all levels to unlock bonuses", and you do, it's the exact same levels but this time with any weapons and plasmids you want. Well as hard as it was before, it's now painfully easy. Just throw a "summon Elena" and just sit back. I swear to fucking god nobody play tested this thing.