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Kane & Lynch: Dead Men + Gamespot sucks cock
Posted on Friday, December 07 @ 12:55:19 EST by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsSo this game comes out and its such a fucking pile of dog shit. I've never played such an awful piece of crap in my life before. It's so bad its like getting fucked in the ass by a horse. It is like punching my ballsack. It is like someone cramming an icepick into my eye. Eidos fucks up again and releases another pile of shit.

The big news about this game is that Gamespot proves what a fucking pile of shit they are. They fired a guy because he gave the a 6.0/10 because there were ads for this fucking piece of shit all over their poorly designed webpage. Well that guy was even being generous by giving this game a 6.0/10 because it fucking sucks. Oh yeah Gamespot wont admit why they fired the guy because they are the worst website on the planet. If there is anyone who actually believes that Gamespot did it out of some other reason then you are a fucking moron. In fact you are probably a fucking moron if you visit Gamespot. It shall henceforth be named as Fagspot because everyone at that site fucks each other in the ass. No lube.

Graphics: Holy crap the graphics in this game are AWFUL. I think this game is using the old ass Hitman engine which was used in Blood Money, which came out 2 years ago by the way. The character models all SUCK. You shoot the same cops and other enemies over and over and they all look exactly the fucking same. It is like I am just constantly shooting clones. Not to mention, the main two character models blow ass as you have some old faggot who looks like he is about to die and then some balding homosexual with glasses. Yeah great character design, lets make the guy look like a meth addict from the 1960s with his gay homo glasses. The environments all look completley mediocre. You run around alleys, a bank, outside someplace. It doesn't matter because they all look similar and all look equally like dog shit. Basically the environments, characters, guns, and everything in this game are just ass. The animations are also completley balls as well. You think in the era of Crysis and Unreal Tournamnet 3 that they could atleast make something that doesn't look like they spent 5 fucking seconds on it.


Sound: The sound in this game sucks the largest nut sack in the world. Seriously, the amount of sperm in this nut sack could bukkake every faggot at Fagspot. First of all the voice acting is crap. Its the same generic typical garbage voices you would expect for any character. Just some average sound joe blow off the street sounds the same as this dialog. The worst part is the dialog because it makes you cringe. It makes me want to kill myself and then get resurrected and kill myself again. Infact, that kid who shot up that mall and killed 9 people is probably because he just got done playing Kane and Lynch. The dialog is just so bad as it sounds like a 13 year old wrote it, its crap, it swears every five seconds and just sounds stupid. I mean it sounds so bad it is like I wrote it. Yeah its that fucking bad that it sounds like I wrote the dialog for them. Oh yeah, the music sucks too.


Gameplay: This game has some of the features that everyone loves like BROKEN FUCKING GAMEPLAY. Ok first of all the AI, It sucks. They AI does nothing but run in a straight line at you while you just mow them down. Your partners AI sucks as well as they react in weird ways that are too slow. Then the combat just blows, it feels clunky, it feels lame, its boring crap that has been done a billion times before. The worst part is the broken fucking cover system. You are supposed to just walk against an object and he somehow magically fucking takes cover. Allthough, half the time you can't tell when the fuck he is actually in cover and when he is not. Not to mention, they can shoot you even while you are taking cover half the time. Then also, it only works half the time! Most of the time you will walk against the object to take cover and it just fucking walks into the object like a douche bag. So basically the cover system is just ass, and its so bad because the game is a fucking JOKE easy when you don't use it. You can die, and your friends just revive you magically. Its the dumbest shit I have ever seen in my life. This gameplay is boring shit that is broken.


Story: The story in this game is STUPID. It starts off where some faggot wants to get something you had. Then you get it. Then you want to get revenge. WOW GREAT FUCKING DEEP INVOLVING STORYLINE. I Think Steven Seagal wrote this story because its fucking awful. Lynch has to take these pills half the time to stop from going insane which is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. You know why he goes insane? Because he is in this shit fucking game. The story sucks

Graphics suck, story is ass, gameplay blows chunks, and the sound is shit. 1/10 Oh yeah and Gamespot is the biggest fucking pile of shit in existence. If you still visit that site, support them, read their reviews you are a fucking moron and don't deserve to breathe my oxygen.

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Re: Kane & Lynch: Dead Men + Gamespot sucks cock (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Friday, December 07 @ 18:06:34 EST
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I dunno what's yer problem with this game. I think graphics design is quite artistic and cool. The dialogs and the mood are awesum. The fight system is worse than in Freedom fighters and more or less I agree with your complaint about the cover system. The cutscenes rock, and all in all I had quite a lot of fun with it. 6/10


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Re: Kane & Lynch: Dead Men + Gamespot sucks cock (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Sunday, December 09 @ 08:43:17 EST
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man, delete this fagg0ts comment. the grafix dont suck THAT BAD but the rest of the game is more retarded then watching the short bus drive down the street blasting radio disney.

anybody who defends this game needs to stop shooting heroin into their dick vein.


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Re: Kane & Lynch: Dead Men + Gamespot sucks cock (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Sunday, December 09 @ 08:56:45 EST
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oh man, when Eidos decited to make this game, they must have left the computers on at night because it seems like a 63 year old mexican cleaning lady came in and made this pile of shit.


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Re: Kane & Lynch: Dead Men + Gamespot sucks cock (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Wednesday, December 12 @ 15:44:17 EST
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fuck U all! go play crysis then... X-D


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