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| Hellgate: London | | Posted on Sunday, November 18 @ 22:16:43 EST by Suislide |  phoenix6061 writes "From the makers of Diablo cum a new exciting FPS/RPG hybrid! Unfortunately while trying to cross breed the genres they got one UGLY ass fucking mutant. Then they try to pretty it up by prostituting it to the horny ass Diablo 2 fans.
The developers were supposedly the creators of Diablo but from this horrendous piece of dog dick they were probably some shitty ass interns at blizzard who sucked the real developers dick while trying to make the game. No wonder their ass was fucking fired from Blizzard.
Graphics: The graphics in this game will make you want to pour bleach in your eyes for sweet relief They are so fucking horrendous they are like the rejected textures from Doom 3. Although some of the shaders candycoat few of the textures it still doesn't make up for it. It's like spray painting a mound of your fat grandma's black diarrhea mud with gold. Though, I'm sure that would look far better than these shitty ass graphics. On top of that, the game runs like a spic taking a siesta, often you will framerates in the tens. Furthermore, the guns and armor look like they were designed by the faggot who
designed the dildo like guns on the original doom. There is the exception of a few sets of armor that look badass but you have to reach a high level to get those, that's if you haven't killed yourself playing this game. The character models are like nigger rabbis, absolutely disgusting. For some reason some massive cunt wanted to have a reflection map on EVERYTHING (probably to simulate the texture of dildos) and for some reason your character is the only high res character model throughout the WHOLE game, including enemies. The developers also tried to motivate people to pre-order the game by advertising these gay ass dye kits that change the color of your armor. Though, often times you will appear to be the biggest faggot even at an Elton John concert. Lastly, the cut scenes are fucking disgraceful. If you are a Diablo 2 fan then you will be massively disappointed.
The few times there is actually something going on in the cut scenes are at the very beginning and end of the game and are very brief. For some fucking reason some game developer who is laughing his ass off decided to put better looking guns and sounds in the cut scenes than in the actual game.
Sound: The sound in this "game" is godawful, you'd rather have a fat nigger named Fat Albert Lamont Denzel Murphy with nigger aids to cum in you ears than have to subject to these atrocious sounds. The guns lack any umph and sound like the mongoloid game developers recorded a cap gun with tape recorder while having loads of gay sex. It is just absolutely pathetic, my ass farts can make a better sound than this shit. The music is very mediocre and you don't really pay attention to it. The fucking voice acting is pathetic as hell. But I guess it's understandable. I mean if the world were taken over by demons and there were little survivors and a good chance i were going to die I would be pretty upbeat and cartoony too. Fat ass Bill Roper. What a fucking faggot, but we will get to his faggot stature later. The developers thought they should take all the good things in diablo and burn them like a nigger on a cross. Voice acting is non existant, and when npc's DO talk it is a pathetic attempt at humor and distracts you from trying to read the shitty ass dialog. Coming from the "makers" of Diablo 2 many fans were expecting phenomenal voice acting. I guess they were focusing on attracting the faggot mmo players so they probably found voice acting arbitrary. The monsters sound like your fat mom flossing her vagina with razor wire, i think this is the only sound they pulled off decently.
Gameplay: This is where they really fucked up. I beat this game all the way through with two classes out of 6 and it is horrible. Let's start off with the bland uninteresting classes. You got the templar who are melee swordsman, the hunters who use guns, and the cabalist who use magic. Basically those are divided into 2 sub classes that bog down to offense and hiding like a little bitch. The thing the developers were selling the game with was the fps gameplay and the loot system. First off, the FPS gameplay is so shitty you want to take a shotgun to your kneecaps. They made this soft aiming system were you basically point in the general direction of the enemy and click, they have to be highlighted otherwise you wont hit them. So, there is really no point of having this game in first person because an FPS is about reflex and precision aiming, not holding a gun like you penis. Oh yeah, there is no reloading either, so it feels like you are fighting the nazi war machine with a dildo pump. The skills in this game are fucking shitty, they have brief descriptions that don't tell you shit and you can't re-assign skill points, so when you get a useless as skill at 25, FUCK YOU! Your keeping that skill! It wouldn't be as much as a problem if it didn't take a year to gain a fucking level , after level 10 the experience system massively fluctuates and if you want to gain a new level you've gotta earn that shit! All of the areas look absolutely shitty and uninteresting, the instance system that makes the levels randomly generated has only like 4 variations and the tilesets are shitty as fuck. When the game was released it was chalk full of glitches and after 2 patches since the release the bugs are still there, just a little less active. You are GUARANTEED to have the game crash on you. What fucking sucks even more is that it is because the piece of shit game uses ALL of your memory, so my 2 gigabytes of DDR2 ram has been exausted, so not only does the game crash, my computer runs a fuckload of a lot slower as it tries to regain that stolen memory from this nigger game. The game lacks any form of strategy, the "difficulty" MASSIVELY increases as you get further in to the game. And I say "Difficulty" because it's not really difficulty rather than the game furthering it's shittyness. Since the developers have down syndrome they have no clue how to program a game so the only way for them to increase the difficulty is not give enemies ai (yes, the enemies lack any ai) but to increase their health and armor and decrease the damage you do. The enemies also get more numerous especially in cramped areas. There is also a subscription option were you pay 10$ a month to get extra content but I believe that is only available to faggot fanboys who's faggotry is equal to or above Bill Ropers (lead game designer). You have to love more fat trucker dick than a Halo player to get the subscription. Collecting items can get addicting but when you realize that they look like a gimp suit you just get pissed. The gameplay is so bad that you'd suck dick to play good games like Half Life 2 and Oblivion again.
Story:Fucking GAWD AWFUL!! I was one of the few who actually tried to read through the massive texts of dialog for hope of a good story but again this game invades your ass faster than micheal jackson in a pitch black room full of 10 year olds. The characters are so uninteresting that at the end of the game a character that is supposed to be close to you dies, but you don't notice he even died nor that you were supposed to care about his bitch ass. Though there is one character who is crazier than Tim Allan on coke.The beginning cut scene is foreshadowing something later in the game but the character turns out to be very minor). This game is directed towards faggot mmo gameplay so much like thier lives the game developers FAILED! The last boss is the guy on the cover of the box it makes no sense as to who the fuck he is and why he just all the sudden pops up. Your not even sure if the story is resolved at the end.
Many people would rate this game an average score but the coming from the developers from Diablo 2 they went WAAAYYY below par. Shitty gameplay, with bad graphics and the game runs worse the developers deserve to be injected with aids. Also considering this is one of the biggest letdowns and greediest jewish attempt to make money while prostituting a great game.4/10 ,,|,, FUCK YOU BILL ROPER COCK GROPER!"
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| Related Links | | | | Article Rating | | Average Score: 4.62
Votes: 32
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Re: Hellgate: London (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my face.com) on Sunday, November 18 @ 22:17:18 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I would have given it a 6/10..It can be a bit fun but its not that great and tilesets and gameplay are EXTREMELY repetitive. |
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Re: Hellgate: London (Score: 1)
by cupfullofdie on Sunday, December 02 @ 14:59:15 EST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | lol! thank you for that awesome review. that game blows so much ass! |
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