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Team Fortress 2
Posted on Wednesday, October 31 @ 22:08:09 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsSo the sequel for Team Fortress (and Team Fortress Classic) comes packaged within the Orange Box AND GOD DAMMIT it kicks your FUCKING FACE IN. FAGGOT! Valve comes out with three fucking kick ass games in a row and tops of it off with Team Fortress 2.

Graphics: So the art-direction in this game is fucking great. The graphics are basically just great in this game and own your face. They use cell-shading with some of the best damn art direction ever. All the characters have this retro 20s look to them mixed in with some of the best damn environments and level designed. 2Fort is completely updated and looks fucking great with much more detail than previous. Well is redesigned while still looking fucking great. Basically all the character design is just top notch each completley redesigned to have this kick ass look to them. The weapons this time are all unique to each class. The minigun looks like a big fucking minigun this time, the rocket launcher, the nade launcher and the flamethrower all look great. The cellshading on the fire makes the particles have that cartoony look that fits the game while still looking great. Not to mention, this game FINALLY has god damn gibs. When I hit a mother fucker with a grenade, I want him to fucking explode into a huge fountain on blood. And damn right thats exactly what happens. Not enough games have gibs now days. I want gore and blood to fill my screen because it makes me horny. I masturbate to when they die. The level design and atmosphere of the game is all great, character design top notch, weapons look great as well.


Sound: The sound of course rocks because Valve seems to know how to have funny dialog and good voice acting. Every character has their own taunts, sayings, and voice to make them all different from each other. Like the Scout says stuff like, "I Rape women for fun BONK!" or the the engy says, "Spy Sapping mah butthole" I dont know if they exacty but its about right. If you argue with me about it means you are gay. The explosions, gun shots, and weapons all sound great. Another high spot is the music. The music when you start the game has about three or four different tracks and they are all top notch 60s spy music type songs. Basically the audio is just all right.


Gameplay: The gameplay in this game is FUCKING GREAT. You get to choose from nine different classes which are the same from team fortress except 10 times more balanced then before. Unfortunatley there is no more grenades which is stupid. I want to throw a grenade in someones ass and watch his head blow off and then I will shit down his neck and cum on his dog. So anyways you can choose from 9 totally balanced classes. You can be the scout, soldier, spy, engineer, demoman, heavy weapons, sniper, pyro, medic. They each have their unique abilities such as a shitload of health and a minigun. Real men use miniguns because it chews apart bodies and it makes me laugh. I want to cum in Gabe Newells fat chunky chin. The medic of course heals, the scout fucking hits people with his bat while running fast BONK! The soldiers are big rocket firing guys as well. The demoman which I decimate anyone at fucking decimates anyone with my nades. There is six kick ass levels which are 2fort, well, dustbowl, hydro, granary, and gravelpit. They all fucking rock and have a great feel to them. Except maybe granary which shoud be renamed fucking too big and boring. The maps vary on how you capture points such as CTF on 2fort, or gaining and losing and in hydro. Well has been changed to having to capturing the 5 map points instead of capture the flag. Oh yeah and another kick ass thing is that the game records all the stats for each of your characters. So the game basically just reaffirms how great I already am.

Anyways Real men use the demoman class because we aren't fucking pussies. I own everyone all the time and then talk shit because they suck. Then the people act like they are better until I'm fucking dominating 10 people on their teams. Anyways the gameplay is top fucking notch on all the levels. Its the funnest multiplayer game to be released this year.


Story: Are you a retard? In case you are because if you visit this site you probably are pretty retarded. There is no story because its a multiplayer game.

The successor to Team Fortress takes a shit on your chest 10/10

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Average Score: 3.81
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Re: Team Fortress 2 (Score: 1)
by Jokur on Wednesday, October 31 @ 23:40:42 EDT
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now heres a review i cant argument with. team fortress kicks fucking ass, they never shouldve changed the spies skin though he looks fucking gay now


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Re: Team Fortress 2 (Score: 1)
by DORPWNZYORUASS on Sunday, November 18 @ 02:09:59 EST
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Nah team fortress 2 sucks you play it and after 5 days the game gets boring and makes you have a pink eye

DisAppointing D:


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Re: Team Fortress 2 (Score: 1)
by Velo4city on Sunday, March 22 @ 15:13:04 EDT
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You're a fucking moron if you actually think that Team Fortress 2 deserves a perfect 10/10.

Graphics: 9/10
As stated above, the retro, cell-shaded art style Team Fortress 2 is an immense step up from that of its predecessor.
Sound: 9/10
"The sound of course rocks because Valve seems to know how to have funny dialog and good voice acting." -Suislide
; pretty much sums up what I was thinking, though there could have been a bit more variety, I don't hold it against Valve.
Gameplay: 5/10
The actual gameplay of Team Fortress 2 can't even compare to that of Team Fortress Classic. Some of the additions/modifications in this installment such as the ability the manner in which engineers can construct their devices, spies having the ability sabotage said devices, the ranged medi-gun and the removal of the "infection" ability that the medics previously had... The removal of all forms of grenades however, combined with such additions as the biased achievement-farming requirement to attain necessary competitive weapon upgrades, and the significantly increased damage output of all of the SUPPORT classes across the board, make this a successor by name and concept only.
Story: N/A


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Re: Team Fortress 2 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, August 12 @ 19:45:23 EDT
I don't know whwn this review was made (October 2008, 2009, 2010...) but if it's from 2011 I laugh my f'king butt off. This game turned into a great money-milking Barbie dress up simulator only an infant would enjoy after spending like over $300 on virtual, non-real items. It was so utterly awesome back in 2008/2009 but went pure s- when they made all those big updates. Unbalancement around every corner, bad animatons (Loch-n-Load LOL), bad textures (the Kritzkrieg was the winner with having the s-iest texture ever) and hats that change gameplay (No-Sniper-Headshot-Killing) and take years to get.
Foreign language support after every update? Nope. Just let the guys talk in your language and the new lines in english.
Overall 2/10 (9/10 in 2008) for having cartoonish graphics and the rest being pure bull.
Valve turned to being s- by having a massive spyware program that gets them like $250 every second. So there's no need to make the own games good because you already have monopolised the whole PC gaming market. F- 'em to hell. I'm also not buying anymore of their s-itty games because I've seen what they look like 4 years after their original release.


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hats suck (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, September 27 @ 14:27:28 EDT
This game sucks, all you get is donations and hats-over-the-gameplay-domination.


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