Everyone knows that i fucking love adventure games and the Longest Journey was one of the best ones to come out. Now they made a sequel.... and added combat... and got rid of puzzles.... we all know how good this is going to be.
Graphics: So they decided to go from pre-rendered backgrounds to a fully 3D engine. This is both good and shitty. First of all we all miss the highly detailed pre-rendered backrounds or atleast i miss the mand if you dont you suck ass but they also did a good job of creating the enviornment at certain points. Except Newport for some reason that part of the game looked like a bland pile of anus. Other than the graphics arent that bad. The models are ok except theres not enough variation in the towns as i see three of the same fucking woman sitting at a cafe. Unless that hooker crapped out a clone then we need some more variation. Compared to other games this actually looks like a pile of ragged asshole although since they did a decent job of recreating the characters and enviornments in full 3D its not that bad. Theres not really much else to say except that i would stick my penis into Zoe. The experession on the faces could be a little better but atleast the lips are in sync with what they are saying. The animations for the combat are also pretty damn awful.
Sound: Finally a game that doesn't have voice acting and dialouge that sounds like a retarded 3rd grader was whipped into writing. You can actually stand listening to the characters without wanting to skip through the pile of shit that spews out of their mouth. The music isnt bad in the ambience but at the scenes when you are travelling to another city its really awful. Sounds like that fucking stupid Kingdom Hearts II commercial where the chick is masturbating while saying sanctuary. Yeah well fuck your sanctuary and i hope someone burns down your house. Anyways the music is ok at times but that part of the music was stupid and didnt need singing. The voice acting and the dialouge is pretty good though. Of course the characters do say some things that are stupid its forgiveable as for the most part it isnt retarded. Another thing is like in the first game they are afraid to add swearing which is great.
Gameplay: Well instead of point and click this time you run around with the keyboard and do some other shit with the mouse. They also decided to add stealth modes and combat modes... bad fucking idea. The controls for the combat and stealth and just fucking puke. It feels like im controlling a giant fucking brick. You press the attack button and then they do the stupid attack with some choppy ass animation then they pause and stand there for seconds like a fucking idiot before you can do another move. The best way to win is to just constantly use the strong attack button... as then the enemy blocks but you still do damage to him. Its the most retardedly lame system ever. Ive sprayed out shiny metal diarrhea out of my ass that could create a better fighting system than this. Why the hell is this even in the game.. it should have been left out completley as well as the stealth and sneaking. No one fucking likes sneaking and if they did they would play splinter cell. When i think sneaking i don't think dreamfall. So yeah yeah you go around solving puzzles to continue on in the game except the puzzles are completley devoid of all intelligence or.... problem solving.. or anything. You basically just go on and do some shit and it doesn't really take any thinking at all. If you honestly get stuck at any point in this game you should kill yourself. Dont even think about it just go outside douse yourself in gasoline and burn like the monks in vietnam. I really wish this game didnt have the combat system and some puzzles where everything to do wasnt completley obvious.
Story: The main redeeming factor of this game is the story is actually pretty damn good. You are this chick named Zoe who is obviouslly a slut because she wants to invite everyone over for a party at the beginning and wants guys and alcohol. Yeah... abunch of drunk chicks in a room with no adults. Thats a good planned. Anyways after your plans to get yourself raped you are being all emo and cant figure out what the hell you want to do but then your ex-bf gets kidnapped and you want to try and find him. ALso at the same time you are being contacted by that douche bag chick from the ring because she wants to touch your penis. She tells you to find April Ryan because that old slut bag is in trouble. Also the time period is 10 years after the collapse which happened in the first game. SO then you go off on your adventure to find your friend all the while some fucked up shit happens to you. The crappy part about this is the only memorable character is that creepy mother fucker Wonkers. He's clearly a badass as he sounds like a molestor.... but never says anything bad. Other than that no one is that memorable... what happened that drunk bastard in arcadia who had a .45? Anyways the story is pretty interesting.
The story and voices are good but who the fuck decided to add combat? 6/10
