Holy shit these guys dont give up when they make a damn game. This series is probably milked as much as any EA game. What the hell is this, the 16th game in the series... why are they still making these games? Oh well anyways Lara Croft is back again, is somehow still the same age, and has bigger tits than ever.
Graphics: Ok so basically there is two modes with the graphics. One mode is with the next generation content turned off which basically leaves your game looking like a pile of shit playstation 2 port. Completley with garbage lighting and a plethora of shitty textures all crapped together on your screen for a completley sub-par looking version of the game. Of course this version runs ridiculously fast due to it looking like a prostitues vag after the equipment has been completley demolished. Then you turn the next generation content on and even Jesus would get a boner from lara croft's titties. Her tits are bigger than ever and it seems to be where the majority of the polygons are on her body. The next generation content puts higher resolution textures,bump mapping, pixel shaders, and more advanced lighting all together to make the game looks fucking incredible. Everything with the next gen content on just looks fucking amazing. The enviornments are highly detailed, the lighting makes the atmosphere seem more realistic. Laras model is pretty damn good and obviously her titties are bigger than Jackie Chans giant fucking head. The enemy models are kind of blocky looking though except for main characters. The problem is there isnt shit for variety in enemies. There is about 3 different types not including bosses. There is a tigher, and snow looking tiger, and the standard mercenary soldier. How the hell could they get rid of the bear? The lack of variety makes you think eidos is full of lazy faggots who just want to make more money after making a huge round of shit games. For the rest of the part the graphics looks incredible with stunning looking enviornments but thats only with the next generation content on.
Sound: The music in this game is shitty ass techno. No one likes techno. The intro song to the game is some stupid woman trying to sing. Too bad its completley awful and that chick should invest in a gun to kill herself. The dialouge is of course shitty as hell. You have some black guy yammering in your ear about all sorts of useless shit you couldnt care about. "King arthur had a sword and its a myth" Oh man that you for your useless fucking info that would have been better put to use injecting carbolic acid into your veins. The gun shots and such are completley average nothing special. Lara still sounds just like Lara. There really isnt anything special about the audio at all.
Gameplay: Finally its not like that piece of shit Angel of Darkness. That was one of the worst fucking games ever. Lara is actually jumping around in tombs again and only a little bit in the city. So its the same basic shit that Lara always does... jump cliffs and hop around and crap. Except now she has one new tool. Some sort of indestrucable grappling hook that attacks to anything and gives you the ability to somehow easily pull heavy ass object with ease. The gameplay is up and down like a woman on her period. Thats ironic because it stars a woman and you know its a game because women arent good at anything in real life. They should all just submit to my giant penis. So the gameplay is at parts fun and other parts you just want to snap the disc in half. The jumping around and puzzles etc are all decently designed and can be fun. You jump from ledges, swing on ropes, slide down stuff and climb over shit to avoid deadly things blah blah same shit. The boss battles are allright and can be decently challenging except for the end one which was a joke. The shooting combat isn't that bad but the lack of different weapons sucks balls. There is only a grenade launcher, dual pistols, sub machine gun, assault rifle and a shotgun. What the hell happened to the giant amount of weapons Lara used to be able to carry. Theres no more inventory which isnt that big of a deal and now you just use a button to use a medic pack. The hopping around and all that is fine and now that you are finally going into tombs again it doesnt suck ass like the last few piles of shit that we got. The dumbest feature however is the completley stupid RAD GOGGLES. You know they are badass man... i mean they have fucking RAD in the name. Holy shit rad goggles for the win. Basically you can use these to give you hints about an area in case you are too much of a dumbass to figure out anything yourself. They just make abunch of stupid comments about a giant fucking block "Hey i can move this" So the climbing around, puzzles and gun combat are all enjoyable but the same cannot be said for the STUPID fucking vehicle parts. Not only are they ridiculously easy they are just plain fucking stupid and redudant. Its not like how the vehicles were before as you can only go straight.... and then shoot some guys. Its the lamest fucking vehicles part in any game ever. A woman must have designed it. The AI isnt anything special and the game is short as hell. I finished the whole thing in six hours and exploring laras mansion sounds about as fun as fishing for piranas with my ass cheeks. Atleast they fixed the other parts.
Story: The story is just plain fucking retarded. So lara as a kid saw her mom get sucked into a stupid portal and then you go around figuring out what happened while a stupid old time friend is after you. Then you have to get king arthurs sword and use it to make some stupid shit to open the portal. Then the game just fucking aburtply ends. Worst ending ever in a game. We can only hope they wont make another movie. Everyone knows how well Angelina Jolly or whatever can act. If they do make a movie they should cast Mickey Rourke as Lara.
They fixed some of it! But its too god damn short like every game nowadays! 7/10
