Video Games Suck - South Park: The Stick of Truth

I remember long ago when I was a wee strapping young lad playing some South Park games. THEY WERE ALL FUCKING TERRIBLE. Literally, ruined my childhood. I remember this one for the PSX that was some turkey shooter. That was the gaming equivalent of being raped by a catholic priest when you are a little boy. Anyways, so lo and behold when we find out that Obsidian and Matt and Trey are working directly on this game because they were tired of all the shitty fucking cash grabs that they released. Well thank fucking science because this game is pretty fucking good. It's not particularly deep, long or not cliche but what it fucking does, it does really well. READ THE REVIEW FUCKER.

One of the first things you will notice is that the game looks just like the TV show which is great. They pretty much matched the feel, atmosphere and art style of show perfectly. As soon as you see this, you know it will be a good ass much. So basically, you are the new kid who comes to the neighborhood for unknown reasons which you find out later to be that you have an extreme gift for making friends on Facebook. Anyways, so as you progress through the game you go through the hilarious introduction where you can be a Fighter, Mage, Thief or Jew. Once you choose your class and learn how to Dragonshout out of your ass, you are then off to pursue the main quest to chase down the stick of truth or wander where ever you like over the city.

The combat is a pretty straight forward turn based system where you can use an item, special move, or a normal melee or ranged attack. You get one follower to come with you starting with Butters, but then you also get to team up with Kyle, Cartman, Jimmy, Stan and someone else, who I can't fucking remember. Anyways, the combat while fairly simply is pretty satisfying as you beat the shit out of your enemies each turn. It requires you to time the move properly to do the maximum damage to your enemies. Sometimes you also have to stack some Damage over times to really fuck shit up. Anyways, the combat never really seems to get old even being as simple as it is. Each class has their own special moves too than you can use to beat the shit out of the enemies in front of you. The best companion is clearly Butters and if you disagree you are probably a fucking asshole, but you can change your party members at will, even during combat.

The world they created is pretty much everything you can possibly remember from South Park. It has most of the characters, Man Bear Pig, Zombie Nazi's and Zombie Chef, Aliens and all sorts of shit. You can not only explore the whole town, but the scenes where you are abducted by anal probing aliens is fucking hilarious. You can screw stuff up and constantly get Randy reamed in the ass constantly by the aliens. Beyond that environment and the rest of the town, you also get to explore Mr. Slave's semen filled ass, the sewers, an 8-bit Canada, and a ton of other places. There is enough variety to keep you entertained and want to keep going. There are also a fuck ton of little secrets all around the world that you can unlock as you get items from the main story, such as the anal teleporter, certain farting spells, etc. I, of course, found them all because I am just fucking brilliant at video games.

The level up system is pretty straight forward where you get a stat point to put into a special move to make it more powerful. You also gain a fuck ton of friends throughout the game, who post hilarious fucking messages on your facebook. When you hit a certain amount of friends, you can unlock a perk that gives you certain bonuses. There is also a fuck ton of items in the game from all different types of weapoins, such as a dildo, swords, a shit ton of armor and a fuck ton of JUNK. All the junk that you can sell to get money to buy more goofy shit to make yourself more powerful. Although, the game is pretty easy even on the hardest difficult probably because they had to design it for idiots. Even so, the game is still very enjoyable and will make you want to keep progressing. The story for the game itself, isn't anything special, but hilarious enough as it takes you through every element of the South Park universe.

Really the only downside of the game is that it is pretty short as it took much only around 12-14 hours to complete and this was including all of the side quests that I could find. Sometimes short and sweet is the best way to go and maybe I would have gotten fucking bored or irritated if I kept going. The humor is the game is perfect in pretty much all of it's elements to the point where there is never a dull moment. The combat is enjoyable, the universe is fun, and pretty much everything about the game is fucking solid.

8.5/10