Video Games Suck - Call of Jaurez: Gunslinger

So I thought this series was becoming irredemable crap after the last game. What the fuck was it called? Call of Jaurez: The Cartel? Holy fucks, what a shit pile of a game that absolutely NO ONE remembered. I didn't think they could even funding after the awfulness that was that game. Anyways, they brought Call of Jaurez back to what it should be which is a western shooter and damn if this game is pretty fucking fun. There is no cover system, no bullshit, just whatever weapons you choose to use and you blasting tons of people being a gunslinger. See what I did there? I might be the single most creative person on this planet.

As soon as I started this game, I instantly knew it was going to be better than the last pile of shit and it turned out to be a decently fun game with one major problem. You play as Silas Greaves, a guy who is introduced by sitting at a bar and telling stories of his classic tales. The game then follows you through the story of all the classic western tales such Billy the Kid, Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid, Jesse James and a fuck ton others making for a somewhat fun and simple story. Basically, Silas tells you that all the legends were dogshit and that it was him going around fighting and killing these people to try to find the guy who killed his brothers. Nothing even remotely amazing when it comes to that story telling but integrating it with all the western stars makes it more interesting.

Anyways, on to the Gameplay, which is basically fast paced blast every mother fucking you seen on the screen with your various pistols, shotguns and dynamite and other shit. You shoot a ton of people and you get XP for the ways you do it which allows you to upgrade various aspects of yourself and focus in different weapons. Anyone who isn't a faggotcunt obviously went with dual pistols and shot the fuck out of everyone on the screen. The gameplay is pretty simple and quite enjoyable. The weapons feel powerful and heavy and blowing away each enemy is incredibly satisfying. Something about the shooting just clicks and doesn't feel like the weightless bullshit you are used to. The other feature is the duals where you have to focus on your mouse on an enemy. You then draw and shoot the fucker before he hits you. These are probably the biggest pain in the ass because you have to do it just right or you don't get an XP bonus. Who gives a shit, I just drew and shot every mother fucker as soon as I could. The game ends with mexican standoff where you have to dual two fuckers at once. Overall the gameplay is just simple, straightforward and satisfying. Holy cumfarts, do you see that alliteration? Damn, I am amazing at the English language.

Another nice part of this game is that it actually has fucking bossfights where you literally have to shoot the FUCK out of guys, and it makes absolutely no sense. But who cares? It doesn't have to. The enemy AI is pretty basic as well as all they really do is run to cover and then pop their heads out every now and again. But this gives you easy opportunity to blow their fucking heads off pretty easily. Downsides to the gameplay? It is pretty fucking easy even on Hard. Perhaps a litttle more challenge could have made it more satisfying because basically anyone who has arms could beat this game. Including retarded babies.

The graphics in the game are alright with a mix of realistic looking enemies and a semi-cartoony looking world. It tries to stay closer to the realism side but then all sorts of weird shit like ghosts and other things start happening so it really doesn't matter. There isn't much to talk about when it comes to the graphics. The best part of this game is that is only 15 fucking dollars. Which, while only being about 5-7 hours long, for the price isn't fucking bad especially when its satisfying. The only complaint I have about the graphics is that the FUCKING FIELD OF VIEW IS TINY. WILL DEVELOPERS KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF? NO ONE. Abso fucking lutely NO ONE likes these tiny ass FOVs where I can't fucking see SHIT and it makes me feel like I staring through a pair of bionoculars the entire game. I'm sick of having to start a game and then find how to edit the fucking INI files for the game just to have a decent FOV. Stop being fucking lazy cunts you shit fucking developers.

8/10