Video Games Suck

343 Studios finally fucking releases the long awaited Halo 4 --perfect timing too, as I (and probably half the nation) can give two shits at this point about Obama's victory and are sick and tired of fucking politics. Halo 4 is sufficiently drowning out the pathetic world I live in, and I love every second of it.

Ever since Bungie seperated from Microsoft and ditched the Halo series to go deep sea toaster fighting on Planet X, or whatever the fuck they'll do, they handed the Halo franchise over to 343 Studios. We can all rest assured though that the series is in good hands. This game is beyond everything I wanted it to be, and hopefully is enjoyable for all of you cynical bastards too.

GRAPHICS: My favorite section! I really enjoy the graphics for the most part, though there does seem to be a bit of bloom-rape at some points. Textures aren't too bad either considering the console's reputation for diarrhea and blended testicle textures. It seems 343 ditched motion-blur in favor of sun shafts and some nice HDR effects with coronas. Shadows are pretty high-res and by the looks of it, architectural and environment shadows are dynamic and not rasterized like they were in Halo 3. There's new animations for subtle things as well (like melee, reload, etc) which is a sight for sore eyes. Particle effects are largely the same, however.

ENVIRONMENTS: This game must have been fucking 20 Gigs, because it comes with two discs, one of which you have to install on your Xbox's HDD. The environments are pretty kickass, as there's not really a dull moment anywhere and the sense of scale has my hands and my balls clapping with excitement. No blocky geometry, complex background visuals. It was so beautiful, I licked my TV screen, upon doing so my tongue liquified and shot out my ocular cavities with enough force to give a man a serious concussion.

GAMEPLAY: The thing I love about this game, is that it is drastically different than the previous trilogy, but 343 remained true to that Halo feel. I think many of you Halo fans (which there probably aren't much of on this website) will be very pleased. New weapons kick ass, new enemies add a lot of interest. I don't play Multiplayer often, but I noticed 343 completely revamped the way it works, moving towards a more Call Of Faggotry approach like every other fucking game being released, which I can't say I'm a fan of.

SOUND: The sound in this game has also been completely redone from the ground up, re-using a very small number of old trilogy sounds, and they are AWESOME. The sound of a Scorpion tank shooting made my man tits jiggle with excitement. Guns don't sound like pussy pop guns either. Explosions are also very nice. The music I have to say is the downfall. It's not done by Martin O'Donnell anymore, instead replaced with some fag, and it's pretty mundane music.

STORY: You're Master Queef again and you wake up to find your ship being pulled in by some freaky looking robotic Forerunner planet, Cortana's going rampant, etc. Haven;t finished yet, but looking forward to seeing what happens. I strongly recommend this for Halo fans and newbies alike.

9.6/10