More like, Call of Duty 5: I'm about to snore...Get it? I'm so fucking clever. Anyways so as with Call of Duty 3, this game isn't made by infinity ward, but instead made by the fucking amateurs known as treyarch. This game is a HUGE step down from the pure ball squeezing intensity and design of the first game, and it shows badly. The worst fucking part...OH MAN were back to World War 2. For fuck sakes, we've already had 3 previous games in World War 2 (Call of Duty 3 SUCKED ASS, same people that did this one)..who the hell thought it was a good idea to do another one? I demand that they get a gasoline enema and then set on fire.
Graphics: So at the best parts this game looks no better than Call of Duty 4, and at worst it looks fucking bad. First that really got to me was the SHIT level design. Seriously, you've gone from having beautifully rendered levels in Call of Duty 4, which make it look like stuff is going on in the distant and there is action everywhere. This game looks like shit. I remember at this one level you could look out of the level and see how fucking small it really is. You can see the stupid low-resolution sprite they shoved in the background to make it look like something is there. Seriously, it looked so fucking amateur that I was embarrassed for them. That's bad because I don't get embarrassed (These reviews are an embarrassment in themselves and I keep writing them, because I fucking rock and you suck cock). The level design is just such shit, it looks small, feels small, cramped, and linear just, worse so than previously. The battles don't look as large and they don't feel as large, the rest of the graphics are standard run of the mill stuff. You basically go through the streets of Russia as the soviets and through some buildings, then as the Brits go through some fields and other places doing the SAME SHIT WE'VE DONE 4 TIMES BEFORE, but more on that later. The environments are the same blown-out cities, fields, and buildings we've already seen before. The graphics are just mediocre overall, nothing special stands out like it did in the other games..and yes it runs well because it looks average.
Sound: The sound, again, doesn't feel as large in scope as it was in the previous games. First of all the guns wen't from being boomy and loud in the original games, to being fucking tinny pieces of shit. Seriously, they did the same shit in FEAR 2. I don't want my guns to sound like I'm dropping some change on the ground. I wan't it so sound like I shot a fucking jackhammer out of my gun and its slamming into my foes and smashing apart his body. The worst part in this game is that the dialog is ABSOLUTE CHEESE. It tries to be like Band of Brothers but comes off as pure cheese. My butthole cringed so hard at the bad dialog that I shot out some anals beads with enough speed to kill the hooker behind me. The rest of the sound is just the same mediocre stuff you would expect, same tinny gunshots, same explosions....nothing out of the normal at this point.
Gameplay: This is where the game FAILS worse than THIS GUY at mugging someone. Ok so as for the combat, its the same thing you have already done a million times. You run around shoot some japs and some krauts, plant some bombs on their artillery and then defend a position. Rinse and repeat, you've already fucking done it before a million times...why the hell can they add in some variety. Do they seriously sit there and think and go hey, lets put in all the same SHIT as before and this time make it fucking crappier and boring than normal. The levels in this game are just so small, short, cramped and crap. Everywhere you walk in this game just feels like you are walking down a hallway with random RESPAWNING enemies forever. I remember at the last russian level before you enter the main hall, the game broke and so the germans just respawned forever. Wow, thats cool and fun...shooting respawning germans is my idea of FUN. The levels are all just shit and so amateur it pisses me the fuck off. Anyways, there are some new weapons like the flamethrower. Instead of having to get new tanks for it...it just magically refills itself in the magic fucking world of call of duty 5. It's is so lame..regenerating ammo, regenerating health...when the fuck are they going to stop simplifying games for pieces of shit who use consoles? The rest of the weapons are the standard US and Russian fair...except you never seem to get enough ammo for your own damn guns and always end up having to use the Germans or the japs. It's pretty god damn lame..why the hell do I only have one or two clips half the time. I just remember one jap level where you have to airstrike this stupid ass building. It was just so completely lame and filled with shit dialog I wanted to puke. STOP LETTING TREYARCH MAKE CALL OF DUTY GAMES.
Story: The story is you are a fucking idiot for ever purchasing this game. The story is all the review sites are bullshit giving this drivel and a SLAP in the face to the great games that Infinity Ward has brought us. They should honestly sue Treyarch for slander as this makes them look bad.
Play COD4, its way better 5/10
