Video Games Suck - Fallout 3

So I am an avid fan of Fallout 1 and 2 (TACTICS? Fuck that piece of shit). So hearing that Bethesda was making the game made my shit in fear of a god awful semen covered turd being dropped on my forehead and smashed into my eyes. However, apparently Bethesda had the balls to make a fucking badass game! Yeah! I just got cock slapped with the hugest surprise of my life with this game! Its actually really fucking good! Its fun, entertaining, and filled with a shit ton of references to the first two games which is GREAT. Also, ITS GORY!

Graphics: The graphics in this game are actually fairly decent looking and in the spirit of the first two games. There are many varied environments that you travel through. There is the badass scrap city of Megaton (which you can blow the fuck out of, and you should if you aren't gay). There is Washington DC, which is a huge subway tunnels and giant open areas where you can explore all of the nations capital. There is open lands you run around and many smaller locations, caves, and buildings located all over the fucking place! There is a shit ton of enviornments and they are all pretty damn well detailed. They do get a tad repetitive sometimes but no where near as fucking bad as Oblivion. The caves and underground tunnels actually have some variation to them instead of being the same stupid shit over and over. The draw distance, tall buildings and all the such things are very nice. The models for characters also look pretty damn good with there being a large amount of unique looking people. You don't run into the same damn generic black guy over and over. One other thing Bethesda doesn't have right is facial animations. Honestly, these are pretty much the worst facial animations. Everyone just looks completely retard when they talk. I didn't know the apocalypse gave everyone down syndrome. Well anyways the whole graphics area definitely feels like it was created in the spirit of the first two games. The gore is very fucking nice, being able to blow off heads and limbs. And getting the bloody mess perk. It gives me the fattest erection when someone gets shot with one bullet and their whole body explodes. I have to jerk off 30 times to satisfy my massive boner. The HUD is pretty simply and easy to use, and the PiPBoy 3000 has a clear and concise interface that gives you plenty of information. Another nice thing is giant fucking nuclear explosions! Nothing is more badass then wathcing you enemy roast like a helpless fucking turd in a giant nuclear explosion! Even though the graphics are pretty nice looking, I still think the Gamebryo engine is a piece of crap.

Sound: The voice acting is pretty enjoyable. Again they fix the Oblivion problem of having a total of 3 voice actors so every third person sounds exactly the fucking same. There is actually quite a large variety of voice actors and its damn nice! It almost feels like I haven't heard the same guy twice. The weapons and every all have a decent sound to them, but I definitely like the sound of a corpse exploding in a giant gibbed explosion! The main portion of the sound that anyone should focus on is clearly the radio stations. The enclave station is boring as fuck and just spews a total load of crap the whole time. Nothing really important. However, Galaxy News Radio is allright but it gets repetitive. One cool thing is that it updates based on the things you do in the world, whether they are good or evil. However, Three Dog can fuck himself. I tried to blow his ass away at the radio station but the mother fucker just gets unconcious. The songs are allright the first couple times around BUT BONGO BONGO BONGO I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE CONGO GIVE ME MORE SONGS. The radio stations are allright they just need more variation god dammit. No one wants to hear the story of Butcher Pete sucking a fat dick meat the whole game.

Gameplay: This is the best part of the damn game! It is actually extremely fun to play and there is a damn shit ton to do. The first thing to mention is the side quests, unlike oblivion, DONT FUCKING SUCK. They can actually last a couple of hours and many of them branch off into other things. Plus, there is both an ass and a crapload to do. There is a billion locations on the map each offering side quests which all have multiple solutions that you can complete with. Ther Karma system is in place and there is nothing like being completley evil. Fuck TennPenny, Fuck Megaton, Fuck the Underground I RULE THE FUCKING LAND! So the stats and rpg system is very similar to Fallout 1 and 2 except you get a perk each level. There is no extra stat points you get unless you get a perk and thats it. So its definitely a damn good system as most of it was already used. The VAT targeting system also returns and its fucking badass! Prepare to constantly blow off peoples limbs with the limited action points you have. Of course the combat can also be in real time, but it simply isn't as fun as the VAT targeting system. There is only two problems though it has. First of all, WHERE THE FUCK is the groin shot? I shoot to be able to shoot people in the dick and now I can't. Second, why the fuck can't I kill children? Fallout 1 and 2 are the only games I know where you could kill a kid by shooting him in the dick with an assault rifle. Anyways the leveling system is very familiar, and there is tons of do in the world. It feels a tad like Oblivion but definitley has its own distinct style from the Fallout universe and its fun as hell. Another nice thing is travelling to cities aren't just filled with generic characters. There is actually only a few random characters and ton of people with names who actually can say some different things. There is also tons of way to do shit from killing everyone involved, to speech, bartering, locking picking or hacking. It is all extremely fun and well done. The only problem this game has is that it crashes sometimes and well, thats just completely fucking irritating. Other than that, this game is a fucking blast to play.

Story: The game starts when you are a kid in Vault 101 and can customize your looks. Then you eventually grow up and some shit goes down in Vault 101 and your father leaves the Vault. But not before you take the absolute fucking comedy gold GOAT test. This test shows that the black humor from the first two games is still around! Not to mention, unlike this terrible site, its actually fucking hilarious! So then you blast all the mother fuckers inside for stepping on your shit. Eventually you found out about project purity and all that good shit. The game ends kind of abruptly and it isn't a very good ending at all but the rest of the game is fucking great