Crysis
Date: Wednesday, November 14 @ 21:17:12 EST
Topic: FPS reviews


CRYSIS IS OUT AND IT FUCKING OWNS YOUR FACE. This is the best damn game I have played all year, makes both Call of Duty 4 and Bioshock look like fucking feces both graphically and gameplay wise. Crysis is the FPS from Crytek and it just plain kicks ass. Its like the developer team poured in a can of whoop ass while they were making the game because its fucking great. My golden glowing boner all ready is telling me this is the best game that is going to come out this year.

Graphics: I'm sure as we all know, unless you only play console games and are both stupid and retarded, THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING LOOKING GAME IN EXISTENCE. Everything in this game just looks fucking amazing in all forms. Lets start out with the environments. They are fucking huge. Huge like my nuts. Every single environment in this game is gigantic and very open, not to mention the island is filled with full-blown trees of all sizes, brush, rocks, villages, vehicles, docks, and tons of other shit. The environments are just fucking gigantic and packed with a shitload of details. The trees looks just plain fucking amazing, and there are tons of them all together forming huge areas of lush green forests. Not to mention, you can shoot apart the trees and they fucking fall and crash down. The don't just split at a select spot either, the place you shoot them is where they will fall. The leaves and brush all move out of the way as you walk through them, leaves shake and move as you spray bullets through them. Then we get to the textures. Everything in this game is FUCKING HIGH RES TEXTURES. None of that low-res texture bullshit anywhere. Every where you freaking look is a gigantic texture with tons of detail. The nanosuit has a shitload of details, the enemies, buildings trees and environments. Even the ground texture looks fucking great which is rare because usually for ground textures most developers use blobs of gray and brown but not here. The models are all fucking amazing, the weapons have a shitload of detail on them and actually look like real weapons. The character modes all have extremely high details to even have extremely detailed facial features. Oh yeah and did I mention that everything is destructible? Try and hide inside a village hut from a helicopter? HELL NO BITCH. It fucking shoots a missle and blows apart half your cover. There are shadows for fucking everything! And none of that bullshit blocky shadows from Battlefield 2. Hell no. These are all completley smooth shadows from all the trees, brush rocks everything. The parallex mapping and pixel shaders are fucking used on everything to make the game look amazing. When its raining everything actually looks wet, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. Basically everything in this game looks amazing from the hugely detailed open environments, villages, weapons, models and everything else its the best god damn looking game in existence.


Sound: The sound fucking kicks ass as well! The enemies can speak either english or korean which helps to add more realism on the harder difficulties. But all the weapons definatley sound kick ass, as well as all the explosions and shit. The ambient sounds are nice and full providing atmosphere to game as well. The music also fucking rocks as well and and fits the game really well. Sometimes the game is quiet as sneak through the shrubs or fucking sounds like a wall of sound as there a huge attack going on with guns everywhere going. The voice acting and dialog are also pretty damn well done too. Each of the character voices has some damn good voice acting. Except for the black guy once again seems to have sterotypical black attitude and dialog. Anyways the sound is fucking great in this game as well.


Gameplay: This is where the game really kicks some major ass! LOTS OF ASS! Its like before you play you have to make sure you aren't a pussy because this game will kick your ass. Ok lets start with the nanosuit. This thing fucking rocks. Master Chief is a freaking pussy compared to Nomand. You get kick ass suit powers like shield which helps to stop bullets and reduce damage. Or how about the fucking super strength. Enemies think they can fucking hide? HELL NO I punch down a fucking wall and then grab one by the neck while im firing at a shitload of other guys. Then there is the cloak, you can dissapear right in front of enemies who will randomly spray trying to find you...and then you shoot them in the fucking face. Lastly, there is the speed enhancement which causes you to fucking run FAST. If I had this speed boost I could jack off atleast 30 times in a minute. Thats alot of cum to spray all over your mothers face because she enjoys my throat spray. Use the speed and strength to fucking run up to a building jump on the roof and punch a hole in it then shoot all the guys inside. The nice thing about this game is you can approach a situation from a billion different ways. Literally a billion, if you argue with that it clearly means you fucking choke on dick. You can either sneak in or go balls out spraying bullets everywhere. You can also sometimes go through the forest to get somewhere, or why not take the river and have yourself a nice pleasent ride. Or why not just drive right in spraying bullets at every mother fucker in the place? Thats what a fucking man does. I blow apart the fucking enemies vehicles and houses then grab a pickup truck and floor it into an on coming truck and they both explode as I jump out. The AI is also pretty good and will try and hide in cover and flank around you. Little do they know hiding behind a tree doesn't fucking matter when I mow down the forest with my minigun or throw a grenade. Oh yeah, did I mention that all the explosions actually cuase a shockwave and can blow apart buildings, or cause the leaves in the trees to sway with the explosions. I can fucking run up to a guy and shoot the shit out of him, then grab a vehicle firing until it gets blow apart then throw some nades and jump on a roof blowing the shit out of enemies. THE GAME FUCKING ROCKS. There is also a shitload of weapons that are customizable. There is 3 different automatic rifles, a submachine gun, the gauss rifle, sniper rifle, the minigun, rocket launcher, some alien ice crystal weapon, and the shotgun. They are all customizable with laser sights, flashlights, different ammo types, different types of scopes, and silencers or grenade launchers. Its fucking great that I can dick punch a guy in the nads with super strength then run up and steal a car and drive it through a building and it completley caves in on some poor family who was in the crossfire. They fucking deserve it. Anyways the gameplay in this game is varied, open, and DAMN FUCKING FUN. It kicks the ass of almost everything I have played this year.


Story: So you invade some North Korean island because the North Koreans are dirty fucking communists. Actually its to get some stupid hostages they are holding but I was imagining that I was blowing away commies because they suck cock. Then after awhile you learn about some race that is hidden on the island who is developing technology to cause a war. Little did they know I was on the fucking case and ready to teabag their face until they choked to death on my nutsack. Anyways the story isn't bad and its presented to you in a pretty good way as you progress through the game and learn about what exactly is going on.

THIS GAME FUCKING ROCKS 10.5/10





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