You think a game worthy of having a Megadeth song named after it could at least be a bit longer. Well Gears of War comes out for the PC and it kicks ass. However, they should call it Gears of Very Brief War because its fucking short.
Graphics: Ok it uses the Unreal Engine 3 so of course it has to look good because if it didn't the people making it should choke to death on a load of dog sperm. First of all the art design is pretty good with a gritty ass looking world that looks beat to shit by some alien homos. You travel through various parts of the cities which all have a different look to the and then some caves and other shit which aren't even remotely interesting. The details on the textures for many of the textures makes the world look fucking great. Especially with the motion blur and post-processing effects you got one fucking good looking game that has its own art-style to it. Also the character models have great textures that have a shitload of details. Also do the art-design everyone is FUCKING GARGANTUAN HUMANS. They have arms the fucking size an elephants leg and could crush someones fucking face. It does have some lame ass lower resolution textures in some areas but who gives a shit because unless you are a faggot you don't stand around and look for shitty textures. The enemies all have a unique design to them and have some super fucking detailed looks to them. Another nice thing is it runs great as well even as all the details are cranked. Of course my 8800GTX laughs at the game and sprays cum in its eyes. Point is the game looks good.
Sound: This game has some of the worst fucking dialog I have ever heard in existence and I've played Dungeon Siege 2! The voice acting is the bad part, infact the voice acting is pretty we done and fits the characters perfectly. Such as the black guy says the typical black people phrases and has the typical black people attitude. Saying stupid shit like "COLETRAIN BABY, AT HOME ON THE RAILS" Thats fucking stupid and whatever dipshit thought it would be good to put this dialog in the game should sit on a knife. Then you have Marcus and Dominic having their typical homosexual dialog about how they want to enter each others "backdoor." Then you got Braid, the guy who whines like a fucking bitch the entire game. Anyways the dialog is just terrible saying stupid things like "Thats Bat-Shit Crazy." The only thing that is bat-shit crazy is the person who wrote that. Anyways the voice acting overall is fine as it fits the characters pretty well. Also, the music is pretty good as well. The game has quite a bit of ambient sounds as well from just random explosion noises to these fucking annoying screams of stupid demons. The weapon sounds are just average weapon firing sounds...could use some more UMPH when I fire em though. Overall the sound is pretty good except for the shitty dialog.
Gameplay: So I've played this game on both the PC and Xbox360 and it is still true that the xbox controller is the worst fucking thing ever for any type of shooter. Its like holding a brick in my hand with awful controls. Anyways controlling this game on the pc is a breeze as you run around in a third person view and taking cover behind objects similar to R6:Vegas and you can them pop out and take cover and blow people away. The combat is pretty damn fun to run around and blow the shit out of the tons of demons or whatever the hell they are. It gives me a fucking boner when I run up and chainsaw the mother fuckers and blood spatters all over the screen. I want to lick the blood up while jacking off. The game is better when playing it with a friend over coop which somone was finally smart enough to leave it in the game unlike with Halo. The gameplay is basically just running around and blowing the shit out of enemies carrying some of the various weapons in the game. The best gun is the automatic machine gun, the grenades suck dick as they always bounce the wrong way, the burst firing machine gun is allright, the shotgun and the crossbow suck big furry sheep balls. There is the occasional puzzle you have to face but they definitely aren't any that require much in the thinking department. Such as stay out of the fucking shadows and shoot some barrels! There is the part where you split up and go different directions to kick ass and provide cover for your team which is cool. However if your teammate is a fucking idiot and dies then you are screwed. The game is also linear as hell with absolutely no variance in which ways you can go in the game. The game is also fucking shorter than danny devito and hes a fucking turd midget. Even with the new section added in its nothing that much longer. Also the bosses are all fucking easy as hell in this game! Could have used some more challenging bosses as well. Overall though, the gameplay is pretty fun with constant blowing the shit out of enemies from their emergence holes and cumming all over my screen as the blood spatters. Definitely fun to play
Story: WHAT STORY? HAHA GET IT? Because they fucking don't explain shit. The game starts off as your faggot friend Dom takes you out a jail cell that was 14 days after V-E Day. Of course, you never learn about why this homo Marcus was in jail, what the hell happened, what the fuck was V-E Day and why the fuck you are even at war! So basically the story is some bitches are fucking up your shit so you need to kill them all. So eventually at the end you throw a bomb into their homeland and kill all the women and children trying to live in peace. Damn right, thats what the get for being fucking sissies. Basically, the game seems to completely avoid divulging anything that might even be remotely helpful in explaining what the fuck is going on.
Fun combat, fun coop, shitty dialog, shitty story 8/10
