Video Games Suck

So Bungie decided to shit out another Gaylo game to end this shitfuck trilogy. Does it actually not suck ass this time? Maybe, maybe not so eat my shit, asswipe.

So I was out killing niggers the other day like I do every couple of days when I went to Wal-Mart and found Gaylo 3. It costs 2 kidneys, a pint of virgin blood, and $400 cash. I eventually forked it all over to buy this crap. When I got home, I put it in my 360, but the 360 was being a little fucking shit to me and not opening the goddamn CD tray. I eventually got it in and started it up. These are my findings...

GAMEPLAY: Pretty much the same as the last two. The Covenant fuck things up and only Master Cheif can save the day because he has a ten foot dick. The dual-wielding feature is still present and there's new devices you can use in your massive serial raping spree. Too bad they're all worthless pieces of fucking hard drive space. For example, theres the bubble shield thats completely a fucking useless waste of textures and precious machine resources. Yeah, it protects you from bullets and explosions, but your enemies can walk right into the bubble and shoot you. Another useless device is the deployable shield, which can be easily destroyed by shooting its little metal holder-upper or whatever the fuck its called. There's new weapons and some of them are actually good. Bungie finally pulled its head out of its ass and put the original assault rifle from Gaylo 1 back in. Bang up jobs, you shitdicks. Why can't Bungie be like Valve and actually know how to make a fucking game?

GRAPHICS: The graphics in this one show a fuck of a lot of detail, but they aren't the best in the world. The motion blur that occurs when you move around fast is a nice touch, not to mention that there are fucking large big-ass open spaces that are almost as big as your fat mom. All the characters have gone up in detail, and by now Cortana is practically jackoff material. We all know Master Cheif wants to blow his source code all over her face.

SOUND: The music is a good mix of the old and new. It wasn't until this game came out that I thought pianos actually sound badass. Great use of the piano here. Most of the guns sound great, except for the assault rifle, which sounds fucking pussy. It sounds like a goddamn cap gun that I had when I was 5. Piece of plastic shit only lasted about a week. But anyway, there's a huge variety in NPC dialogue on the battlefield, it seems that every time you play, your comrades say something different, as will the enemies. Not to mention that it almost seems like the grunts are finally reaching puberty because their voices sound a lot deeper than in the other games. They sound like cracked-out 13-year olds trying to grow a moustache. Man, I fucking hate 13-year-olds. You know what else I hate? Niggers.

STORY: There's a lot of story in this game, and it does well to live up to the "finish the fight" slogan. I wont spoil the whole story, except to say that you should watch through the credits if you want to get the full ending. All I'll say is that Sergeant Johnson gets the beatdown by the 343 Guilty Spark because he obviously didn't know that niggers aren't allowed to tamper with the Gaylo control center.

MULTIPLAYER: Prepare for an orgy of annoying 13-year-olds spamming the mics. The multiplayer is actually kinda fun even though all it takes to win is be a pussy and camp with the sword, the sniper rifle, or a combination of the two. The Mongooses will bring out the redneck in you.

CUNTCLUSION: I wasn't gonna give Gaylo 3 a chance at first because of how much fucking shit the last one was, but I gave it a shot. I tried hard to like it but it eventually didn't live up to my expectations. Overhyped pile of fuck.

5/10

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go jack off to my personal collection of Gabe Newell photos.