Video Games Suck - Splinter Cell: Double Agent (Xbox 360)

Well, I whored myself out enough to get a shitbox 360 and the first game i bought was this one. anyone who has read my review on the PC version should already know it sucks the gay out of clay aikens lack of testicles. and i dont know if im correct but i think this is the site's first review of an xbox 360 game. now that i can actually play the damn thing, heres the review for Splinter Cell: Double Agent for the xbox 360

Story: this might be the game's strong point but probably not so eat my shit. sam and some new guy go somewhere in the freezing ass cold and sams partner dies cause hes a dumbass. sam's nigga lambert tells him that his daughter had a dildo shoved too far up her ass by charles manson and she died from it. stupid bitch had it coming. so sam inexplicably tries to pull a robert hansen by pretending to be a terrorist and you have to make sure you stay on their good side. decisions you make can alter the game and can make you have an orgasm over it or rape you in the vagina whichever way you put it. and like that shitfest Chaos Theory this game doesnt deserve an M rating either. they might as well change the guns so that instead of bullets they shoot out butterflies. fuck butterflies.

Graphics: are really damn good. this is one of the best looking 360 games available and if you think otherwise then you can suck on my ten inch. theres shadows all over, the specular effects are still sweet and they finally fixed that stupid shit where every character looks the same. the only problem is they dont have any goddamn facial expressions so whenever you interrogate them they looks like a terry shiavo-esque clinical retard not knowing whats going on. and HOLY SHIT you think they could make some new goddamn animations. just about every single one of Sams moves looks EXACTLY the fucking same as in gayos theory. when you put someone in a headlock, knock them out, or shimmy across a ledge it looks just like it did in the last pile of shit game. not all the missions take place at night like they usually do; theres this one mission you do in africa during broad daylight where you can shoot up those filthy niggers all you want and when you run up and stab one of those coons BLOOD ACTUALLY SPILLS ONTO THE FLOOR! +1 for ubisoft for finally adding blood to this M-rated game. however they fucked up the night vision and heat vision. the night vision is gay green shit now thats hard to see but isnt as bad at the heat vision. oh god did ubisoft royally fuck up the heat vision. it went from being sweet blue, red, yellow colors to this vaguely homosexual purple-pink-blue tint that makes it FUCKIN IMPOSSIBLE to see anything or your fuckin enemies cause they blend in so fuckin much with the environment. way to go ubisoft.

Sound: The menu music is still decent (thats called a "callback" for you non-comedian folk) and the rest of the in-game music was almost as decent as it was in chaos theory. as before, everyone you interrogate is a fuckin queer. and the sound that plays when someone spots you has been fucked up. instead of an awesome "CHINK!" its now a gay "SHHHHHING!"

Gameplay: same as before but even less in depth. not only is there even less shit to do than in chaos theory but the finding health pack thing has been removed. now whenever you get shot a couple of times you just have to go hide somewhere for about 10 seconds with your thumb up your ass and youll be back to normal. yeah, thats pretty realistic ubisoft. you fucking dicks. half the time you dont know what the fuck youre doing and if youre that way you probably jerked off to that enrica chick. the opsat's been fucked up and you can tell that ubisoft took the "if it aint broke, break it" path that bungie did with Gaylo 2. the sound and illumination meter that made chaos theory so fucking easy has been completely removed. the sound meter is nonexistant and the illumination meter has been replaced with a fucking lightbulb that changes colors which basically only tells you three things: green means youre hidden, yellow means youre visible, and when it flashes red youre being looked for or shot at. yeah, nice job fucking that one up, ubisoft.

In conclusion, its an alright game with some shitty stuff in it but its worth a play. rent it at best. 6/10