Video Games Suck - Call of Cthulhu

Never heard of it before but my friend recommended it as the best horror survival FPS he has ever played. I thought it a good idea to give it a go...

Graphics

This thing runs on full graphics x6 FSAA, shit the system requirements are a P3, but now I know why. Soon as I started playing I thought what the hell some sort of grainy graphical enhancement which looks like a bad aerial on a TV. What the fuck is all this static effect, no my GPU isn't fucked, it is an attempt to make everything look scary or add realism to it. Its some cheap form of anti-aliasing which reminded me of the N64 console. Is the hero of the game a robot or someone running around with a video camera? No so why is he seeing static.
The graphics are fucking outdated for modern times. I know it is a port from the XBox but it would be fucking nice to improve upon just a bit, its definitely a straight port. Everything is brown, all the textures are brown and the polygon count for all the models are low. In fact its so brown that anyone who thinks the graphics are great are invited to my home and consider looking into my toilet to admire my turd instead. I don't mind if a game doesn't have good graphics but I have a limit and basically this is shit, light brown, dark brown and lots of red blood.
Everything is fucking linear, zero graphical effects, lighting is crap. Oh no another Doom Style Darkness can't see shit engine, thats okay but I'd like to see where am going, so no I'm not bumping into a wall, more like constantly molesting walls. The sewer doesn't look like it has water, the water looked more like a wall but green colour.
The models aren't great either the enemies chasing you around the town seem to be inbreeding like fucking their mothers or something because they all have the same face, the no lips, eyes-popping out isn't scary, its damn hilarious. First attempt to scare me in the game was a swinging body of a woman in the ceiling, oh hello it IS a body, looked more like a swinging bitmap to me.

Sound

Okay the graphics are a let down, but the sound is great. No cheesy music ripped from a B-movie but total ambience and eerie atmosphere. We're talking drips of water, creaking wood, background shit. Doors getting kicked open, screaming, howling and talking to yourself! The sound is more scary than what you see graphically. Weapons fire is satisfying and when it hits home in Mr. Inbreed's you can hear it fucking up his guts and him go down with a thud.
The voice actor should be shot though because he needs to know how to put the right tone of voice in certain situations. "WHAT THE HELL....oh its a dead body". He does sound bored at times which makes you bored. "Hmmm door is locked". "UGHH his skin has been peeled off" He doesn't say it in a shocked way, more like the tone of voice when you urinate after too many beers.

Gameplay

The controls are screwed and he strafes so slow it'll probably be faster to turn to walk backwards and revert to the same direction again. Its not even smooth, he drags himself forward so painfuly slow that you're wondering if by the time he gets down the end of the corridor you could of masturbated twice.
The beginning is too slow, 1/3 of the game you don't even get to touch a weapon and you do spend most of the time running like a bitch. This hero Jack Walter is a total pussy, he suffers panic attacks and if your "Insanity Meter" builds up to high he'll start to see or hear shit, fucking up your movement. We're talking simple things an 8 yr old kid would be better at coping with....a dead body, heights, darkness, sounds, enemies chasing him....in fact he is afraid of his own shadow to the point he cries and wants to die.
Damage is realistic, kind of. No Medikits lying around just bandages and shit to stop bleeding, so small wounds can lead to death eventually. Each part of your body takes damage separately and effects movement and aiming accordingly. He seems to have an endless supply of Morphine he can regularly pull out of his ass to stop the pain temporarily.
The AI is retarded, okay they can open and bash doors down to chase you around the building. They seem to aim for shit, they shoot at walls while moving side to side predictable fashion like they're avoiding the Washington Sniper. The ones with guns don't shoot if you're right in front of him up close so you have the advantage of scraping their face off with a crowbar gordon freeman style without them fighting back.
The locations are varied but not exciting, but the principle of the game is that you're a weakling and you need to sneak, run and hide. Oh yeah its a horror game too but maybe you'll wet yourself laughing before you shit your pants out of fear.

Story

They say the audience would rather be confused than be bored. But in this case the storyline was so confusing I got bored. Its about the weird coming of some evil and somehow you tie into it. Meanwhile people are cutting eachother up as part of witchcraft and satanic rituals to litter the town scaring poor pussy Jack Walters. You're a detective and the clues you find will improve your vocabulary because there are all sorts of utter crap they use to make it scary. The clues are obvious but there is too much reading and character conversation which is irrelevant to progression of the game. Throw in Alien happenings also and well you will be confused. Overall its addictive in the sense that you simply want conclusion to it.

Its a long game for all the wrong reasons. Few save points, means alot of trial and error most of the time. 6/10. Would be 7 if the graphics didn't look like diarrhea.