F.E.A.R.
Date: Wednesday, October 19 @ 22:28:54 EDT
Topic: FPS reviews


So monolith finally get off their lazy asses to make a game and a new engine. AND HOLY SHIT DOES IT KICK ASS. Of course it runs like ass on everyones computer no matter what you have. Now i know some cum sucker is going to say "ZOMG YOUR COMPUTER IS POOP IT RUNS FINE At 640x480 AND LOW DETAILS WOOOO". Anyways this game kicks ass.

Graphics:Ok here is the worst part of the game as the game is almost as much as a fucking ram hog as BF2 but doesn't really have the graphics to justify it. So part of the game looks fucking incredibly such as the office buildings in Armachan... then there is other parts that look like someone decided to take a fat unhealthy gabe newell sized shit all over my monitor. The office buildings look great with quite a few high res textures and good looking enviornments. Then there is other parts in gay ass sewers, because everyone fucking loves sewers, which is just pure ass and is completley bland. The models for all the characters do kick some good ass though and theres that one blonde chick in the game which for some odd reason you cant blast her in the skull with your gun then rape her. Must be an error. One good part is you can actually fucking see the persons feet! Finally! Tribes 2 did this 4 years ago what the fuck is taking everyone else so long. The gararge portion of the game also looks pretty shitastic .The only other complaint is that the weapon models look like a plastic turd on the screen. The shotgun looks like it fucking shoots BBs from the size of the barrel. And the game runs like dog ass. How a dog ass runs i dont know. One thing that kicks ass that more people need to do is THE GUYS ACTUALLY LOOK LIK THEY ARE FUCKING GETTING HURT WHEN YOU FUCKING SHOOT THEM. Also hell yeah there is tons of blood and gore which fucking rocks! Kick a guys face and it smacks against 90 walls blood everywhere! The bullet chunks taken out of walls kick ass if only they were actually 3d instead of bump mapped 2d sprites.


Sound: So the voice acting isnt that bad at all surpisingly and is quite standable. The dialouge itself it kind of retarded at times but atleast they threw in some swearing which actually seems out of place but anyways. The sound for the game kicks the shit out of grandmas old weak pussy ass. Seriously grandma sometimes it may not be worth it to get to 92. So anyways all the sound adds the creppy effect, the static, the soldiers actually make sounds when they are calling to each other depending on the status of the situation. The gunshots sound weak as hell kind of like grandmas voice when she is trying to ask for someone to turn up her oxygen tank but instead your drop to a knee and shoot the tank and blow up grandma. Other than that the sound mostly kicks ass.


Gameplay: Here is where so much ass is kicked thats its fucking ridiculous. Even chow-yun fat was like god damn thats a lot of ass kicking. So you are some gay soldier blah blah whatever, you can carry 3 guns at a time and 3 different types of grenades. The main part is you have this super reflex boner slow down mode in which you can KICK ASS IN. Slow down the game and watch bullets fly through the air as enemies die and bullets still spraying from their gun as they die. Run around through office buildings blowing the shit out of everything. You can increase your max health and max boner reflex super slow-mo turd shot mode. There is your standard load out of weapons sub machine gun, assault rifle, missle launcher, some other piece of crap. The point is the ass kicking slow mo action is so god damn awesome i could fucking stab my self. Blow apart people with the shotgun then shit and lay down bullets everywhere tearing apart the office. HELL YEAH.


Story: Surprisingly the story is predictable. Well that wasn't a surprise at all but whatever. So there is this cum blob guy named Fettel who is some zombie prototype guy some homosexual company made to experiment for no apparent reason or i missed the reason. He is looking for some girl who is the mother or some shit and you are in a group called FEAR which clearly stands for For Eating Anus, Rectum. But most people say its First Encounter Assault Recon. So you bust in this place looking for the guy and the story unflods about the gay company was doing some faggot shit and eventually you are related to it all. Blah the point is the explosion at the end fucking rocked and so does this game.

I love killing shit in slow motion 9/10





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