Video Games Suck - San Andreas PC(aka on the right hardware)

A definite upgrade from that dusty old grandma's vagina playstation.

There hasn't been a goddamn fucking game out in 6 months worth playing. All I've seen are these dumb white jew games like kike theory and jewcraft. I think Rockstar knew that if they didn't release this game for PC, there'd be another 15 year old in the paper who ass fucked his family with a shotgun and raped his teacher to death with a mechanical pencil. It turns out they released a decent game guaranteed to waste lots of time.

Plot Fuhrer: The story is initially really homosexual nigger crap with Carl Johnson(steriotypical nigganame) cummin' home cuz hiz momz dide. Most of the time, he just plays a bitch sucking whoever's dick coughs up enough money. They really should have used more of a black Tommy Vercetti and used a nigger name like Tomyo Ver-Washington. Besides that gay crap, they have some good gang warfare/in the hoodz stuff on the side. Officer Tenpenny(Samuel L Jackson) and Polaski(Chris Penn) play corrupt POH-leeese offisuhs blackmailing CJ to keep him somewhat under their control. The story escalades and the characters get better. "The Truth," voiced by Peter Fonda, is great being a paranoid wasted super hippy who drives a bus called "The Mothership." Besides that, Mike Toreno(James Woods) and Woozie(James Yaegashi) bring some comedy into the story to balance out that retarded "the injun that could" bullshit. The worst character is CJ's slutty spic fucking sister niggerizing the game every second she's on screen. I think they stressed the "homiez" "brotherly love" "4 1!#3" "I'd fuck you in the ass if I had to" shit a little much, pretty homo. I'm also positive CJ and Sweet are both closet fags because CJ seemed to object to Catalina's dominatrix sex, and Sweet didn't complain that much about being in prison; according to my stats sweet dropped the soap 943 times.

Suislide: Ok you pretty much hit the nail on the head with the plot and all its complete niggyness. I dont freaking want to play as a black guy... wheres San Andreas white people edition? And yes i agree that faggot named Sweet just was dying to have a huge cock rammed up there and that government agent gets off on it. The plot is all right and atleast has some depth to it. They just glossed it over with a nice touch of "im on welfare niggyness" which is fucking lame.

Graphics Fuhrer: Compared to the station, these grafix r 7ight witta 7. Rockstar finally integrated some basic advanced features into the game that should have been there since gta3 like anti-aliasing and texture quality. With all features up and 2 or 3 AA, you can definitely see the difference to the PS2 version; it's like comparing doom3D to HL2. The graphics aren't Half Life 2, with some trees still being 2 dimensional and skins looking like crayola marker drawings, but they're good enough and great for the outdated GTA engine. The draw distance is improved and doesn't just look like blurry sun dried diarrhea on PS2. Overall it works, but they could have at least used some high rez textures when you had hot coffee.

Suislide: Ok come on now the graphics are fucking shit. I dont care if they did update it to look better for the pc the graphics and still complete shit. The models all look chunky and fucking retarded. Everything is low poly and the trees and 2D.... Not to forget that there is LOW RESOLUTION TEXTURES EVERYWHERE. Vice city looked better than this hunk of shit. The only thing it has going for it is the large open-ended cities... other than that this game looks like something shit bleach into my eyes.

Sound Fuhrer: The gun sounds and vehicle sounds they used were pretty good and improved from GTA3 and VC. Some of the dialogue they have is good like Toreno's "you'll be back before you know it for a blow job and a baloney sandwich", but some just sounds niggertarded like CJ's "fo sho" "tight" "momz".
For some retarded reason, they disabled advanced audio options in the menu so you can't change crap. It just auto detects or some stupid shit. On top of that, there's a lot of sound problems whoring around. I had to set my acceleration to fuckin basic just to keep the sound from dying. It's still gay cause I get a static on certain sounds. They need to quit fucking around and get a patch out for cheepos that use onboard AC97. I'm not satisfied unless I can hear a bitch scream in 5:1.

Suislide: Ok come on.... the sound is fucking trash. First off all the dialouge for all the black people is LAME. I dont want to hear how they talk as if they have an education from the 1st grade and live on welfare. "YO DAWG LETS GO PARK A HOMIE J IM A BLACK NIGGER" What the fuck is that? Also the car sounds arent anything special and gunshots are lame as hell. They are boring... my fucking mp5 sounds like a broken vibrator not an mp5. Also worst of all is the use of GARBAGE FUCKING EAX. This game you cant hear any car sounds, gun sounds or speech in the game if you use 5.1 I had to switch it to 2.1! Wow it took you this fucking long to give me this garbage fucking audio? Like you said there isnt shit for options. OH WOW! I can raise the sound effects volume! Way to go rockstar you must have Chrstopher Reeves' dead ass at the programming desk for the audio.

Gameplay Fuhrer: The gameplay is just as great as usual with a nice boost to give that HL2 groin tingle anal tightening effect. I'll just start by saying the map is really fucking huge, huger than that dyke Rosie O'Donnell, and probably some small nigger countries in Afrika. The map extends indefinitely with the ocean, so you get more free roam than the kids at the Netherland Ranch. It's also a more heterosexual Thriller. San Andreas is well mapped out with all different kinds of terrains. Los Santos, replicates Los Angeles well with LAX, hollywood, santa monica beach, and the road systems. San Fierrro follows San Fransisco with the hills, trolly, harbor, golden gate bridge, and fags. The Las Venturas area brings some good Las Vegas characteristics like casinos, area 51, and the strip. The missions aren't just like eating old crap and crapping new crappier crap out again. Vehicles chases are more cinematic, and you can get guys from your gang to ride in your ride so you can have 4 guns blazing out of your wheels instead of 1. 4's way better than 1 and looks tighta. The best addition of weaponry is dual colts, they're tight fo sho. CJ will even hold them sideways with one in front of the other like a real nigger.
One thing Rockstar jacked up was controls. You have to have some intense uber micro like me to do this all on keyboard effectively. Adding the camera is cool for cinematic shit on cars, but it fucks other controls through the ass out the pussy and back through again. Rockstar must have expected you to have 3 arms to use the camera on other shit. I tested this theory by using my third LEG to control a joystick. It almost worked, but I pulled a sack muscle, so I guess you really do need a third arm.
The car modding is cool being able to add nos injection and hydrolics like greesy spics. The planes and increased altitude limit are REALLY TITE 2 cause now you can crash a big commercial jet into a tall building and feel the awesomeness the dune coons did when they hit the fuck out of the WTC towers killing all those useless whiteys. You get this sweet explosion too that looks just like the one on the WTC. So if you're an authentic sand nigger living in iraq, scrap up some dirhams off a dead suicide bomber and go buy yourself San Andreas!

Suislide: The gameplay is the same as the last ones which is ok. There is alot more garbage added to the mission descriptions instead of some random twat hole telling you what to do. There are tons of missions and shit to do as well and you can buy property and stuff. You can still cut people apart and run them down while shooting old women and then proceed to kill a hooker and steal her liver and sell it on the black market. There is also a nice selection of different weaponry and the missions dont feel like the same thing over again and are somewhat varied. That was all fine and dandy until it got to the flying missions. Fuck you rockstart. The controls here feel like Terri Schavio flight simulator. This thing is so incredibly retarded to fly its indescribable in words. The vehicles are all fine and such. They also added lame rpg things were you can get more muscle. So now you can either look like the black guy in jail who does the fucking or the guy who gets fucked. One of the features i found lacking was the ability to turn yourself into a white guy. As fuhrer said you can mod the cars but who cares about that. One thing thats cool is you can go over to a gangs area and kill everybody in it and take control of it. If you were white it would make it a whole lot better

This game looks like shit but has some kick ass gameplay to it. Although its not as good as the others. 8/10

"I hope a gay black man beats the shit out of both of you" -M0nKeY